jasmine

2012-02-13T11:50:00.002+08:00

this year, the first time i do not have a boyfriend for valentine, and for the first time, i do not need to shop for presents, do not need to think so hard for inspiration for handmade cards, and do not need to be disappointed when my expectations arent met. yet part of me wanting to do something for valentine. oxymoron again here i am. =)

facebook spammed photos of girlfriends uploading their sweet surprises from their boyfriends. and i have one too. gotten a rose from lousydonkey yesterday while shopping with her for her girlfriend's presents. and when she was getting me the flowers, the girl who was selling looked really shock. haha. but valentine day used to be also friendship days back in my jc days what. haha.

anyway yesterday was really nice when lousydonkey again accompanied me to church and its rather obvious at some point, she was getting really bored. haha. another sermon that i felt its like targeting on my lifestyle again. meh. drop by qinaide's workplace and slacked with her for an hour plus before going down to meet ryan =)

although i am really messedup now, i really like taking that long walk from kembangan station to eastcoastpark last night. and the silly yet intricate talks. i promise i could just look at him talk the whole night. his body language and his accent is really something amazing. especially the way he's able to make things seems alot funnier when i was being mean towards him. there isnt much of egoism from him and he seem able to handle it really well when i laughed at him. haha. i dont know about him, but i like the silence sometimes, its not awkward. its like a checkpoint, allowing time to digest everything and to enjoy the breeze. haha. i felt really innocent, really comfortable.

afterwhich was rushing back to cineleisure to meet qinaide once again for underworld. i think we are cute together when at certain parts of the movie, we both covered our eyes together. haha. and i suck because she waited really long for me and she sucks because she told me she missed the cuddling in the cinemas. i think she missed her ex boyfriend again. so i told her the next time, i will cuddle her. haha.

if there is something really amazing that attracting you to me, dont let that something amazing fade. while i will try my best to keep that amazing factor too. i told kev before that if he's not going to appreciate me, the next one going to get me at my best. and if you hang around long enough, wait for me to be able to trust completely again, wait for me to lick my wounds and heal myself, you will get me at my best. but first, quoted from qinaide, you need to handle me at my worse. of which, i think you are doing it rather well as of now. haha.

if infatuation is a game, you are playing it well.

and last night my mom locked the door from the inside. she knew i was out and i cant help she is doing it on purpose. meh.

maths. science. socialstudies. last week and no more assignments afterwhich BUT wait for that whole heavy load of lessonplans for the next 10weeks. i am positive about school. =)

the attention is really amazing.

2012-02-11T18:14:00.003+08:00

i was sleeping really soundly when sister woke me up to help her with her dressing up. and i wokeup to really nice texts, although a spam, but very encouraging and they did made me feel better for the day. no wonder qinaide always like receiving nice texts. =)

earlier on, mark also did make my day and i felt better after pouring out everything to him and very thankfully, he also stopped me from sending texts that i might regret. he made me look cool. haha. he said he can be my toy and i can make use of him anytime i want if thats make me feel better. i always have the nicest friends around.

anyway, thursday i was telling sister that i met paul ryan ignatius, i dont know why the full name, for movie and she thought i was out with 3 different people and when i told her that he's a eurasian, she was asking why am i going international nowadays. thats what people comments are usually, especially after the previous guy.

and thankfully for genevieve too for editing all my work. like she can dont help but she always does. otherwise, i really have no confident whenever i submit my work. =)

i am not ready to go into a school.

2012-02-10T16:01:00.004+08:00

i very slut because to ensure those very nice parallel eyelids, i slept with the eyelid stickers and yeay. next day i have really nice eyelids.

some random things i do.

2012-02-10T14:51:00.002+08:00

i totally like the way i am replying texts, especially to qinaide today. i think i am funny, no? haha.

yesterday was bad when maths and socialstudies were very mind draining and at the end of the day, i was braindead. very tried. but i still made my way down to cityhall, entertained a random little toddler girl, too cute to not see her, especially she was sitting beside me and leaning on me, missed my stop and ended up at bugis. got myself some icecream and its like some instant gratification thing. haha. caught a movie and meh. i blink too slowly at one point of time and that allowed me to catch like many minutes of sleep? yeay. i fell asleep. haha.

my goal today is to finish both my science assignments. i think thats not going to be possible already at the rate i am going.

and i dont know why i agreed to takeup this tuition assignment on a friday night. argg. i guess i have to drag myself there to find more pocket money in my wallet. but hey. teaching is my passion. i just have to see that kid first. haha. maybe i will be bestfriend with that kid, just like my p6 kid now.

no. i am not a pedophile, i just have a thing for kids.

i have the nicest and coolest friends around. like they agreed to whatever my requests immediately. i think its kind of nice to be me. like i am usually lucky and i always get the attention from the people around me? if this is really a luck thing, i hope and i pray, my luck wont run out. i hate the fact when i am being ignored. makes me feel lonely. haha

getting too bold with my words and actions. jasmine. you need to maintain. yup.

2012-02-08T21:06:00.006+08:00

drove to school today and thank god for it because its like i didnt even want to be in school. i dont know why the sudden dread. but its a rather productive day when i am not in lecture. not only i wokeup earlier to do my assignment, i went school earlier to get all the details i needed as well.

anyway in lecture, i was like going through all the children musical for february and i realised that stickman is ending this sunday. i wanted to watch but whats left are single seats. =( none of the girls are willing to go with me, like for what when we are not even sitting together or something. meh. how now brown cow. its like i wanted it so much that i do not mind, even going it alone.

people around me are falling sick. like lousydonkey and ryan both at the same time, telling me that they have highfever. haha. i thought i read the same text twice because their texts were one after another and also i just wokeup. then i read again, double confirmed.

before that was hanging around in school with michelle for our paired assignment. kind of finished it fast and i dropped by fareast for a manicure. ryan came down to meet me too and we kind of metup with eileen to accompany her for a late lunch. back to starbucks and we just sat there, listening to one another and i was laughing, sometimes, dont know what kind of reaction should i gave. haha. its like kind of a lazy sunday ambience.

mentor chakmun was epic when he kept reminding me about those really embarrassing moments in cambodia. and i really missed his language. the way he always call me. haha. as usual, like in cambodia, he treated me dinner. haha. its like always, he will say something like i treat and ended up he's the one paying. haha. and also, like he is still irritating when he called just to tell me he's reaching home while i am still on train. meh. his birthday coming though. maybe ask mun along the next time. argg. if march holiday is really a break for us, i would love to go cambodia again with him. =)

anyway i will have a super long weekend. friday, monday, wednesday and friday no school. which means school only on tuesday and thursday. which means i better have all my assignments done by thursday so i do not need to go back school on friday. meh.

one last thing. its stupid to call me to check if i am going ladiesnight. and even if i am going, its really none of your business. cant you see, the kind of hatred i had in you is like, argg. disgusting. thank you for attaining this level. you are indeed one of a kind.

edit/ alright. i am going for stickman. crook or hook

2012-02-05T22:17:00.004+08:00

i always ended up doing nothing online for at least an hour before i start on my assignments and ended up not able to finish anything on time. i am hungry. i need food but nothing i have been craving for these few days, especially when the cramps are really a bitch this month. =(

anyway, church this morning with lousydonkey and we learnt immoral encouragement. lousydonkey's my partner in crime as well. felt guilty.

tomorrow presentation not graded, should i wear shorts? argg.

2012-02-02T01:32:00.005+08:00

i realised, my header, jasmine is no longer there. i dont know how i can get it back. damn. i am just so bad with all the htmls.

movie with qinaide and supper. and its always then i talked so much, thought so much and then went home feeling so emotional.

anyway, i was just blog hopping and i caught this from someone's blog.

"…IT’S BETTER TO REPAIR THE DAMAGE BEFORE YOU START LOOKING FOR A NEW LOVER AND PARTNER. OTHERWISE YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO SHOW THEM THE REAL YOU, AND YOU WON’T BE ABLE TO FOCUS ON THEM IF YOU’RE STILL PREOCCUPIED WITH YOURSELF…SO DO YOURSELF A FAVOR. GO AWAY AND HIDE SOMEWHERE WHILE YOU LICK YOUR WOUNDS. ENJOY YOUR FRIENDS AND YOUR FAMILY, AND WAIT UNTIL YOU’VE RECOVERED BEFORE YOU START LOOKING FOR A NEW PART- NER. AND WHEN YOU DO, TRY TO PICK SOMEONE WHOSE SCARS ARE RELATIVELY WELL-HEALED, TOO—BECAUSE THIS WORKS THE OTHER WAY AS WELL."-RICHARD TEMPLAR.

it caught me hard. so i decided, i am going away. i am going to hide myself.

met yuxian, my primary school bestfriend in school today. had to walk over to south spine to look for her and venturing into the other part of ntu wasnt pleasant at all. no one did anything to me, no one gave me any death stare. i guess its just me. i felt out of place, i felt awkward. i felt uncomfortable and i lose the idea of stepping out of the comfort zone. anyway, i found my way based on my memory. although i called a few times to check my location. yuxian another direction idiot and when one calls the other, how much help? haha. catching up with her was nice. we just sat there for two hours, just talking, updating bitching, complaining and sharing. =)

and today tuition was so upsetting. my tutee gave me an eraser which he said he got them specially for me. and when he put that eraser on my hand, it was a snail, green in color. same reaction, everytime. i literally threw the eraser at him. he look hurt and i just mumbled, i am afraid of snails. the next 3minutes were awkward.

genevieve commented something like fate works in the strangest way and yes, i admit. like throughout my major, i had to study snails. okay done. i have to do projects on them. struggling. i have to research, analyzed them. terrible. imagine looking at them over and over again, finding their different species. its no joke.

procrastinator. i am going to sleep. socialstudies is something i am going to only worry about tomorrow.

2012-01-28T15:02:00.003+08:00

So yesterday was a near to 6 km jog with Genevieve, which she said was one eighth of a marathon and I nearly couldent survived since the last time I jog was many months ago, or a year? So before the jog, she sent me a text, put it ever so nicely that we are going to explore woodlands. Like going for a spin but nah. It's much harsher. Haha. We started out the same, even having her saying that she will go slower. Pluck in our earphones, blasting music and started our jog, and in less than a km, I could feel myself getting breathless and at every trafficlight, all I could do was to smile so faintly at genevieve. And as the distance past, I was hopping that the trafficlight would take a longer time to turn greenman. Finally met her at our end point. That was a bad 5.55km for the first time.

Met qinaide to pass her books as well as to get my card, and the first thing I saw her was to ask her to buy me a drink and the first thing she said was, I'm your mother?! I think she was amused and amazed by me the same time. Lols.

Met lynli at railway afterwhich, and it's really a good catchup. And saying prayer suddenly seem so unfamiliar. She still the same, would ever listen to me for everything I had to complain or bitch about. In the end, she treated me dinner. But yesterday my stomach was being a bitch when I had to go to the toilet for the runs like twice. Sour next date going to be next Saturday to resume our bible study.

I heard posting out but where do I check? Haha.

It may be a 100% but I'm sure if I try hard enough, it's going to be 99% and even that 1% means hope, no?

qinaide we will watch the hunger game together, but first, I would love one for the money and I'm still waiting for a date promised.

just for laughs

2012-01-25T22:03:00.005+08:00

eileen got a second chance cos she NG.

xoxoxoxo,

eils :)

i love you jasmine!

2012-01-25T04:24:00.003+08:00

kevin used to say i was so normal that when you randomly throw a stone in town and that girl the stone hit is going to be much better than me, something along that line. i used to think that he's being too confident of himself and i am not that bad as what he put across.

actually i guess he's right.

i am never someone best. without makeup, i am a below average. i still thought i am like somewhat one of the best.

maybe only to him, because of the love that he has, i am the best.

2012-01-23T18:35:00.004+08:00

ladies night last wednesday, after a quarrel with lousydonkey on tuesday morning. haha. anyway, lousydonkey suggested dinner before we head down, and ended up i am the only one eating while the two drank corn soup. meh. aiya. i always tend to eat alot before drinking and i kept telling the girls, if i ever puke, its going to be really gross. haha.

so while lousydonkey queued to get food, qinaide and me was busy taking photos, and she came back with a really unhappy face. so scare the mood will spoil that i sent a text to ask her not to be angry. i humji, dont dare to say infront of her. but she also one kind, so if i do it secretly, she will forgive me more readily. haha.

so asking what alcohol, qinaide said anything then meh. she didnt even finish a cup i think. so ya loh. lousydonkey and i tired to finish as much. meh. i think she next day hangover while me got stomachcramps. haha. meh.

since that slut didnt drink, we went winebar and i bought her shooters. haha.

yeay. i love my babygirls. although i hate them sometimes too. i guess they are the only one who can stand my attitude, without being angry with me for so long. like lousydonkey and i had a friendship of 10years and qinaide 6years. hahaha. of course not all the years we are always that close.

school next day was bad because i reached home nearly midnight. stayed in school to try to finalize our unit plan and turned out that its not in the same direction as our tutor. meh.

mommy! =)

daddy! =)

they used to say i look like my dad. now i dont seem to look like either one. haha.

chinesenewyear.

mommy too short, so i decided to be nice and do a half squat. haha

now waiting for lousydonkey to finish her visitation. =)

friday and saturday was good. its like, i was thinking about the days before i fell asleep last night =)

2012-01-22T14:02:00.004+08:00

i know i mentioned before, again, since i cannot be sexy, i shall be cute. hahaha =)

yesterday was so random i swear and i kept saying i am in a dilemma. i am in a dilemma. meh. and i felt rather bad at some point of time. like really really bad.

reunion dinner last night and the plans after which was supposed to be, SUPPOSED to be movie and partyworld. i still watched movie because i really want to watch the great magician since many centuries ago. hahahaha.

because its reunion dinner, i didnt check my phone until i realised my stomach bigger than my boobs already and qinaide kindly sent me a text, saying she wanted to club and lousydonkey didnt want to club and she was upset that we are not her steady friends. seeing her upset, thus, being a really nice friend, i agreed to zouk with her. and i forward the text she sent me to lousydonkey to make her feel guilty as well but meh. lousydonkey sucks even more. hahahaha. and qinaide is a slut when she asked me what if we couldent enter. she knew we always could enter even if its full capacity. meh. why my friends like this one? haha.

after the movie, on the cab, we were both doing our own things. like i saw qinaide using her phone so i thought okay, dont disturb her first and then after i finish checking tweeter, facebook, she was still using the phone. i wanted to nag already but when i turned, she was fucking crying lah. actually i think its my fault because i asked like, " ehh, you okay anot?" i think if i didnt ask, maybe she wont start crying. hahahaha. so much for creating the awkwardness.

proceeded to winebar and ordered a tray of shots to make her bottoms up and htht afterwhich. meh. she sucks when she comes to drinking. like so lousy. anyway the guilty part was that i asked mark down and they enter zouk, i think holiday season then its quite expensive? i dont know and i didnt even stay long enough with him. meh. he went back like in less than an hour time? meh.

okay so on the dancefloor, i saw like chinguang and huikiat and mark was outside. he wanted to wait for us because he wanted his friend to send qinaide home. and qinaide that slut want to be on the dancefloor. okay lah. i also one slut. haha. meh. =( so i was like, i am in a dilemma, i am in a dilemma to qinaide. like i dont know if i should go out anot. like i dont want to leave that slut on the dancefloor although i know got friends to take care of her. meh.

anyway, long story cut short. we stayed on the dancefloor and near the end, huikiat got i think orange vodka jug with 2beer mixed inside. meh. half gone after which. at first i was like, no vodka taste so not strong but add in beer was boohoo. haha. =( credits to him because its actually quite nice. haha.

and life sucks when i was nearly drunk because the last time i lost my phone and wallet and this time i actually had like many cuts on me. like quite deep scratches. dont ask me how i gotten them. its like over my legs and hands and arms loh. =( and the previous time, mentioned by qinaide, adapted from her blog:

she goes around grabbing people's ice with bare hands and feeding everyone.

she goes jumping on everyone.

she laughed and laughed and made everyone laughed too.

and this time i actually climbed into a school. wtf. WTF?!! i think thats why the cuts and scratches! meh. thank god. like really thankful i wasnt caught or what. =(

cabbed to ntu afterwhich, and winson, who is lousydonkey's goodsmellingguy's friend sent me there. its like, he stayed westcoast so its on the way. but he actually sent me to ntu first. like i thought ntu then to his place is on the way. but when on the highway, i saw the roadsign westcoast, i was like, ehh. i think you should alight first, no? and he was like, nevermind, i sent you back. there save my cabfare. haha.

actually i think how come this breakup, i am totally cool with it. like its not even that hurtful. i guess there werent many good and happy memories to start with and we had too many fights and disappointments and the breakups and patchups. meh. especially christmas/anniversary and newyeareves the last straw. like i was so hurt that you can hurt me with nothing anymore.

and i kind of like my singlehood now. no restrictions, no sadness, no hurt and no disappointment.

end story is, i am very very very happy last night and i like whoever is in my life now. =)

2012-01-21T13:52:00.002+08:00

i was very very very happy yesterday. =) old birds gathering and i really am glad i went. last year i have the tendency to skip every gathering and i actually forgotten how happy these people are. you know, when you spent your time with happy people, the vibes are different, like, you will also be happy. haha =)

anyway tom invited eileen. i hope she doesnt feel like very awkward when i didnt formally introduced her to every single one of them. but yeay, she knew most of the people and most of them saw her during my birthday.

cabbed back to hall and project meeting to me was not anywhere near productive. tuesday meeting means i cannot go indonesia with eileen and her dad already. meh. maybe i will try to push to thursday instead. =)

yesterday was nice. although i was very tired in the first half of the day, the second half of the day was good. memories. =)

2012-01-20T10:05:00.002+08:00

i dawdled in bed, thinking maybe even a minute will make a difference in my day. finally i rolled myself out of bed, gave myself a long deep yawn and a stretch, i went to the hall to look for the baby =) lili i called her name cheekily, and she came running to me. awesome cuteness. then daddy asked what time is my lesson and when i told him it was 1030, he told me he didnt get me breakfast. mommy immediately said, we bought her meetaibak.

i think everyone knows i like meetaibak, by everyone, i meant my dad and my mom. haha =)

bathed and prepared, i was already late for breakfast, so the first thing was to ask daddy to drive me to school but he said it was troublesome. meh. mommy then said i was going to be late if i stayed and ate breakfast. so daddy changed and mommy asked me to had my breakfast. haha.

and now, i am too early for school that the lab isnt even open yet. haha.

2012-01-15T15:13:00.004+08:00

when i felt really important in their life. =) i know i know i have been saying how ymca has been playing an important role in my life, and how many good friends i had made over the years when i volunteered at ymca. and how i always felt so special and good, and its like an immediate ego booster for my sometimes low self esteem state.

and when i had craving for steamboat after my wisdomteeth operation, within a week, the busy everyone somehow able to meetup and have a dinner catchup session. thats was one of the best i ever had. =)

especially when they were thinking of my welfare, helping me to be a changed lady and making the night better for me to sleep. when tom drove me home, with chaos and wuihou following behind, when wuihou checked if anyone was outside my house, to me inviting them into the house for a chitchat session. and when we ended the night with all the memories we shared during camps. epic moments, embarrassing moments, like a boss moments. =)

how would i survived last night if not for them? sure thing bro!

school had been nice so far. last semester in school seemed so different when i am already comfortable with the surrounding, like i can walked around alone, finding my way. suddenly many random lunch meetups with friends from both nie and ntu side.

celebrated jolene's birthday on thursday where i kept asking them to keep their judgemental eyes because there were laughing at my teared rainbow cardigan. yes. i had a new piece because qinaide gave me a new one since she knew i will surely wear that to school. but the old piece has my smell already mah. haha.

friday night made qinaide to come down ntu to accompany me to watch concert. and i felt kind of cheated because i thought the whole thing will end at 9pm but it end at8 =( she sang like only 5 or 6 songs. but got quality like hair will stand so nah. and i kept asking qinaide will i cry if she sang all the sad songs. me too emotional lately. haha

好朋友只是朋友還是朋友
不能夠佔有
好朋友瘋狂以後
就一個人走無所求
好朋友只是朋友
只能保留一點點溫柔
我知道什麽時候回頭
不打擾你的自由

then qinaide brought me to mbs. my first time there. i know i sua ku but i still dont have reasons to go there and no one dates me there as well. anyway, i was really touched because qinaide made everything seemed so romantic. she made me ran to cold storage to find her non-existance sushi and trust me, running inside mbs is really cool because everyone tried to look elegance yet we were doing the opposite. afterwhich, dinner at kraze burger. and somehow i was too awkward to continue my dinner in peace.

too many people like to spam me texts nowadays.

qinaide then brought me to this wishing fountain and asked me to make a wish. i didnt want to and she like insisted and she told me the cold sure will drop into the fountain since the water was so rushed. so i made the most important wishes of mine loh. like the most important ones leh.

then i asked if i should throw but everyone was like looking so she said i can just rolled it down and i followed and my coin stuck at this water pipe thingy. i was so upset loh. most important wishes leh. qinaide just said i am unlucky like of all places, it got stuck there. meh.

why like this?

my days have been nice, even without you.

2012-01-10T16:02:00.005+08:00

this losing of phone made me so troublesome. especially with m1. meh. i got back my simcard but i do not have a spare phone to use yet. =( need to find the charger otherwise i am still staying contactable on twitter and facebook. boohoo.

i like my hair now but i have no ideas how i can keep it neat. messy is the new sleek. the fringe has to control itself. haha =) second day after wisdom tooth operation. totally cannot tell and i wonder why there isnt any swelling. spoilt my plan of a good diet before chinesenewyear. boohoo.

towned on sunday, after the drunkard me wokeup. this lousydonkey said she left the whole day for me, i tired also must dragged myself out for her =) i was being so troublesome when i went thirsty one minute and felt like puking the next. from very hungry one minute and felt like puking the next. then thirsty again and teeth hurting from the cold drinks. i think only she can stand me the whole of sunday. hahahaha =)

and we watched the girl with the dragon tattoo, trying to use her ic to get in just in case they check. but nope. i think i looked old enough =) good movie. sometimes i wish i can be as sensitive, brave and cold like her.

2012-01-09T15:29:00.004+08:00

after many many many days of being really unhappy, i for once asked the girls to go winebar for drinking. haha. i know lousydonkey initially didnt really want to come but i used newyeareves as an excuse and make sure she came down. she did although i know she wasnt really enjoying and left early. haha. thanks for coming down still. =)

i am not prepared for club that day since i was already out the whole afternoon. no makeup. nothing. haha. before lousydonkey left, she bought me this snack which i used to share with her like a few years ago. so nice to see her remember things i love =)

so after lousydonkey left, i was with the pretty girls. inferiority at its maximum but nah. i was in my own world that night. haha =)

see esther see, i am holding your fingers. hahahaha.

anyway, after watching personal taste, i always think its really nice and pretty that if able to smile until the eyes also like smiling. its like you are being more than happy, like extraordinary happy =)

and i realised after which, my smiles are all like the above, although not as pretty as compared to the actress. nah. i am just trying to say, i am happy. like really very happy =)

i am always a happy drunk. haha =)

see qinaide see! my phone was on the table! and thats how i lost my phone. and i dont know how i lost my wallet but thankfully its at the lost and found with zouk. went down to collect it last night already. haha =) its like i save a lot of money because making ic, matriculation card, moe card, driving license all need money. meh. and the wallet, a birthday present from lousydonkey and qinaide. i will be so sad. =(

now the problem is should i go school on wednesday? haha.

2012-01-09T15:14:00.002+08:00

waa. i cannot stand m1 sometimes.

you see. i lost my phone and i called to ask to temporary terminate my line. a nonsingaporean (from her accent) picked up my first call and said because the line is under my dad's name, i cannot terminate unless he called in personally. so i was telling her my dad is now in korea and he cant possibly call in until he is back. and all she could say way she can only block auto roaming and internet data use. the very next question i asked was then how about my outgoing calls and texts? what if they called to singapore line and texted overseas number? doesnt make sense what.

she die also dont allow me to terminate. spell inflexible. so i gave her my dad's mobile and she said she will call to verify. nevermind. i waited till today and i called my line again. its not being terminate so i called m1.

this time round, some nice guy picked up and i explained to him my dad was not in singapore. thats it. he verified my dad's particular with me and he helped me terminate and sending me a new simcard tomorrow!

got so hard meh? i understand rules and regulations must be followed but must also see under what kind of circumstances, no? arggg.

2012-01-08T15:07:00.003+08:00

i am a teacher-to-be. =) in less than 6 weeks and officially a school teacher in 18 weeks. i am in year 4, semester 2, that is to say, i am graduating soon. moe has my records. ntu has my records too. with my full name of Lim Ching Mei Jasmine.

why explain when you have nothing to hide? i have nothing to hide, can you say the same? =)

dear all, i lost my phone, again. not a surprise. meh. i painstakingly collected that few contacts and now i have to start all over again. i should go oldschool, recording friend's number in the phonebook from now on. its so boohoo to ask "i am sorry, but who is this again?" haha. like i never save any of their numbers before. meh.

last night was fun. drinking. i had fun. its like i was already gone long before they realised and the epic moment was when no one knew i was gone. i wokeup this morning asking qinaide for my phone and she told me she didnt have it. then i complained why she didnt walk me up to my house since i am already gone. good question, she thought i was sober and all the things i done made me look sober as well. lousydonkey said its must be conditioning. like my body is so well conditioned that i can get home safely from zouk. haha.

till then. =)

2012-01-06T12:29:00.006+08:00

a post, mainly for christmas. =)

although christmas long over, and since i have nothing to blogged about for newyear. i thought, at least my christmas good =)

christmas exchange with lousydonkey and qinaide and i got what sort of represent me and what i like too. its like. i like the thoughts of them looking for things that remind them of me. =) and cy told me that she and lousydonkey actually secretly change one stud so that i will have a pair of feathers =) and this set of ear studs also represent me as a teacher. its so cute i like. like i cannot even decide what to wear. spoilt for choices. =)

and this is qinaide. =) swallow panties. another thing that represent me =) i think she must be thinking what to get for me and when she finally saw this prints, it hit her hard, something like, ahh! this is so jasmine. me going to wear for chinesenewyear. now every one knows what i am wearing underneath. wahahaha.

actually i have more than 2friends in nie. for those who still thought i only have 2friends. haha. =) met up with these girls on 30th and lunch at 2D1N. you know i really like doing project with them because we can bitch so much and at the same time, being really productive. because i will be missing my first week of school, i kept telling them that if we ever the same tutorial group, must include me. otherwise i will make sure i am their biggest competitor in class. haha. they are fun yet they are hardworking. =) and because we always bitch, we are also scare that people bitch about us. so once in awhile, we will ask each other if they ever hear anything about each other. haha.

i cannot help but keep thinking we are all so beautiful. like if we were out discussing, people who walked past will think we are like the perfect group. then when we are presenting, classmates will also think, perfect combination. hahahaha.

and this huixian, hahaha. i always thought she is hard to get along with when i was in year2 because she seemed so cold everytime i went to look for farah and mun after their project meeting. now, after doing project with her myself, i always ended up making fun with her and sometimes i think she cannot stand me. then again, i still think if without me, things wont be as fun. and she taught me the new term, ttbf.

see. like one pretty right? haha

the melissa also one good one. before we met, i asked if we are doing gift exchange since its still the christmas season, and she didnt reply me. so i thought dont have. suddenly, she took out this and gave us all one each.

then geraldine came, giving us each a box of christmas cookies madewithlove. she said its her first time baking, so pretty, cannot believe its her first. haha

that evening, lousydonkey came my house with cornsoup and qinaide called and we both ended up at her house nom nom nom steamboat. haha.

spent my newyeareve watching personal taste. and also to pack my pencil case. i tried to throw any stationaries that i do not need it but i still have so many things i needed that my pencil case is so full that i couldent even zip it. i think i need a new one. =( somebody, somebody. haha

and this hellokitty (supposed to be makeup pouch) was with me since i was primary school. i used to like hellokitty alot. like alot alot. haha. i used to be so cool. haha.

and because i no longer using iphone, i took out all these pretty little things from the case which my sister got me from bangkok, for my birthday 2years ago. haha =) great for recycling and for my madewithlove. =) and getting them nicely out from the case was a bitch. the glue was so sticky that i was having a really hard time.

because newyeareve was so bad for me, i was angry with everyone, including lousydoneky and qinaide. that i dont even feel like replying their texts and i think they were so worried? haha. maybe they bitch behind me but nah. i was upset. i just want to be considerate to myself for once.

although i know its not their fault. i meant, they did ask me out but i decided to stay at home. but what i dont like is, they promised i will never be alone, they promised they will give me a ring that when all didnt happen, i thought, they must be thinking i will always be there in their life or something so it didnt really matter if they call anot. ohh wells.

so after a few days, when i am still upset with everyone, qinaide put this outside my house and left, just to pacify me. i cried so hard that the next day, my eyes kind of puffy. its like, i felt so love. like so so so love. so afterwhich, i asked her to text lousydonkey to do something about it as well. haha

the roses died.

and it was replaced.

went tuition last tuesday and the mother got me this. i got a pair of ear stud from her when she went holiday in China and this when she went holiday in Thailand. kind of nice.

and i met mark. =) timbered on wednesday, one last nice dinner before my wisdom operation yesterday. i like all the things he got for me in newzealand. its the thought again and i thought perhaps i will only have one present. nah. i gotten 3! =)

and before we left timber, we went to the school and i think they going to tear the school building or something. went in to take a look since i never went in even though i was there quite many times. old habits died hard and i took some postcards home. they are so pretty.

since the swelling isnt at all bad, should i go school even though i still have my mc? meh. but the pain was bad that i couldent even finish my porridge after 2 hours.

told mommy i wanted chocolate icecream. haha.

there are some nights i keep thinking, some days that i really miss you.

2012-01-04T04:57:00.003+08:00

youngjae

and it seems like my effort are like jake and jill:

jack and jill went up the hill

to fetch a pail of water

jack fell down and broke his crown

and jill came tumbling after

for my secondary friends who were once very close with me, they all should know i was very very into rain at that point of time. i was being so ridiculous when i always said "rain is missing me" when its raining. i must looked like a fool then.

i am now watching the ever first korean drama i watched many years ago. it those night when i secretly used my sister laptop and watched the vcd she borrowed from her friends, hiding under the blanket and sometimes crying non stop, like one idiot. haha.

such a coincident when now i realised that rain's name in full house is also youngjae. the one that i ever idolized so much. and now i actually have my own youngjae, the one that i ever loved so much. over the years, i suddenly stopped idolizing rain and i am thinking, over the years, will i ever stop loving too?

the youngjae in full house is giving his main actress so much disappointment and anger whereas the youngjae in my life is giving me all the disappointment and anger too.

i am having very bad cramps. wisdom tooth operation on thursday and i am not looking forward at all. i can already predict the swelling and the pain. why must my wisdom tooth always grow side way inside my gum. and now the dentist will need to cut into my gums again. as if the right side is not bad enough, now the left side. the drilling, the pressure and then all pain. i should have at one go, remove all 4. for the sake of beauty.

suddenly decided to be really active when i was invited for gatherings. i guess i isolated myself too much that it seems like i do not really have friends to hangout with. how could i forget last year, my newyeareve was spent with my ymca friends when i thought i was going to be alone. and this year, when i decided not to join them, i was really alone. guess some of my weekends and chinese newyear wont be that lonely.

ahh. decided to take 3 star kayaking. and for some adventure, i guess cycling/trekking at ubin then an overnight camping in the tent would be fun.

i had too much free time, and i guess time wont be a luxury when school starts. and i guess i am really going to be a good teacher. =)

i am not happy. at all.

2012-01-03T01:04:00.003+08:00

its the fringe and the eyes.

wanted to upload one pretty photo of me, but these few days, eyes too puffy and i didnt even have a chance to dressup and take photo. haha. although 2011 ended quite badly for me, i guess, i still dont hate 2011, however, on that every last night, i dont really seem to welcome 2012 as well.

embrace.

embrace all the hurt, embrace all the sadness, embrace all the disappointment and embrace what is going to come. lastly, embrace life.

sister asked me whats my resolution, still didnt make any because i dont seem to fulfill any of them everytime. still, now, i feel like having some. oxymoron. boohoo.

1. be a regular church goer.

2. taking up new tuition jobs and make sure i follow them through.

3. review my financial abilities/insurance.

4. improve my gpa.

5. going overseas, taiwan or japan would be good.

6. finish my debt. (junyan, eileen, sister and daddy).

7. plan my own birthday party, this time, successful, unlike my 21st. so sucky.

8. attend as many gatherings as possible, and not because of laziness.

9. ensuring a christmas tree in the house.

10. plan a newyear count down party in the house.

2012 going to be the year when i graduate from nie and when i formally stepping into schoolto be a real teacher. no longer can i make stupid mistakes because no more CTs to clear my butt. no more skipping of classes, no more taking mcs as often and no more days when i overslept. increase in responsibilities. all in all, i am going to be a teacher. hahaha.

what if on the first day, i wanted the kids to call me miss lee or whatever surname other than miss lim. will they get so confused when they were to look for me in the staffroom after which? or my colleagues will also get confused as in why i am not being address as miss. imagine the kids and the the teacher arguing.

random student: can i look for miss lee?

random teacher: which miss lee?

random student: form teacher of class 2A.

random teacher: you meant miss lim?

random student: no. miss lee.

random teacher: class 2A right? miss lim.

random student: no. miss lee.

* i walked passed

random student: miss lee! (pointing at me and shouting)

me: yes? blah blah blah

random teacher walked away. thinking what the fuck happened and when confronted again:

random teacher: why did your student called you miss lee?

me: no. he called me miss lim.

random teacher: but i confirmed with him many times, he insisted miss lee

me: i heard miss lim and i am sure he was calling me miss lim. you must have heard wrongly.

random teacher walked away again, thinking whothefuckiswrong, random student or me.

HAHAHAHA.

maybe this is only me, trying to make myself happy =)

2011-12-30T04:47:00.006+08:00

looking through my old photos. i like the changes now. black hair. braces. even make my smile look prettier =)

yes. me. all me. have a good laugh =)

17years old.

18 years old

19 years old

20 years old

22 years old. July.

22 years old. August.

22 years old. September.

22 years old. October.

22 years old. November.

22 years old. December.

so last night, lousydonkey was saying we (E E J) have to become prettier. WE MUST! =)

2011-12-30T03:20:00.002+08:00

an unexpected call from tom and i was surprised, happy surprised. i think many people knew how much i was afraid of him when i first joined ycamp and went for the meetings. its like, being with everyone unfamiliar, and being rope in because of connections isnt bad enough. but who knows now that we are brother, and i can always say anything i want to him. like he's the one who called and persuaded me to be marlon's buddy when i was studying for my exams in hall that time. when he will always call me out for dinner/supper and drove me home and all the long talks we had.

although we do not meetup as often but i am always comfortable hanging around, even if with him alone only. and tonight he's the first to call, i dont know how he knew something happened. maybe twitter, maybe facebook or maybe my blog.

so tom, if you know you are reading this, thank you again, for listening to me ranting again and at least i stopped crying. =)

ymca made friends for life, and its true, to make it even more special, its close friends for life.

so the problem i faced now, that i even texted k to ask, maybe, he was just being polite, just being nice and even after the conservation i had, i am more sure of myself, to you i may have to watch my attitude, i may have anger management problem, that is really because of you and your attitude and your character. or simply put, we are incompatible to start with. so when you decided to choose sleep rather than to answer my last question, nevermind. the ball in your count, make any decision, and let me know thereafter.

yes. tonight i am softhearted again.

2011-12-29T22:05:00.005+08:00

have anyone ever think that this smile, this wide might be a facade?

when i no longer feel like caring and when i gave up that hope.

yesterday phuture was so sucky that i was so angry. i dont enjoy with all the squeezing and all the people pushing and punching my teeth when my teeth already hurts like a bitch and people telling me dont worry when they were the one stepping on me not wanting to move an inch.

i like being treated like a precious, thats to say, i like. and thats my happiness last night. nevermind.

anyway, i tried thinking in many different viewpoint and i still dont think this is the girl fault. you see, if her boyfriend since day1 do not wish to share his life, at first telling her things like, she will still be attracted to him if he stays mysterious but he shared his life, although mostly lies to another girl, telling his own girlfriend with one of the reasons that because the girl is in taiwan and its safe sharing with her, then is this the girlfriend fault for not knowing anything?

then throughout their relationship, its only the girl been sharing every single bit of her life, like telling him her schedule, or looking for him when she has pocket of time, even sometimes skipping school because she wants to meet him. isnt this effort enough? still the girlfriend fault? nevermind.

like any other girls, she texts long texts to her boyfriend, and sometimes he didnt even reply her. she calls him but he usually dont pickup his phone, either with excuses that phone not with him or he's busy or he's sleeping. okay. the girlfriend fault?

so the girl withdraws abit and stop sharing most things. and she told me that she dont even get any texts or calls or anything from him at all. still her fault?

you see? if her boyfriend blames her for other things, i keep quiet. but he blamed her for things like she doesnt stay with him when he has troubles or when he's upset. good joke because she doesnt even know where he is, what happened or who he is with.

the most shocking thing was which boyfriend will text his girlfriend saying he needs time alone and then disappear for 3days? and finally when she called him, he was actually out with his friends? ehh? if i were upset. i stayed at home and both lousydonkey and qinaide will come chill with me. i wouldent have the mood to go out hanging with my friends till 4am. see he said he needed the time alone and the next he said his girlfriend dont care. wtf or wtf?

today was the last straw, in the morning he was still blaming her that she can only stay with him though happy days and not when he's upset. as mentioned earlier, he didnt even share. god damn. nevermind. then he didnt text or call or do anything until i think she called him after SEVERAL missed calls and finally when he picked up, he was with his friend learning some html. like this you tell me he is upset? qinaide never go for her exams when she is upset i think? who the hell in the mood to learn things? nevermind. the most shocking thing, he didnt call her back. nevermind. and finally she asked him to come down to meet her with her sending him home after which. his reply? "wassup?"

good game. she can just breakup and he has to let her go already because there is no point like for what stay in this kind of relationship?

my only consolation for her, at least she has her friends with her.

since she's so so soft hearted, i guess, her only way out is when she can totally stop thinking, stop calling, stop texting and stop seeing him.

anyway, sometimes i think i am only remembered when i am needed for help.

2011-12-28T16:55:00.003+08:00

And now I'm like finally done with the whole NIE laptop loan scheme. Its really stupid which i am quite thankful to, especially mun =)

so first we are supposed to meet 10.40am at boonlay and i reached at 11am? haha. so mun kindly went to mos to get me cornsoup. =) and when we reached school, i followed blindly for the course registration and i was like really shock when i only have 3mod next sem but meh. she was saying that in 4-5weeks i have to complete all our assignments. and for me since i will be missing school for the first week, which means, i only have 3-4weeks to complete my assignments. thats like only at most a month. boohoo. =(

so i was so afraid that the Hp doesnt want to accept the laptop giving its really poor condition. i got it check and ya lah. the battery got rejected and i have to pay 160bucks to replace it. so the dude was saying, go simlim purchase which will be alot cheaper. but i really want to return by today so i very thickskinned ask mun to pass me her batt first then i go simlim buy and return her after that.

bytheway, my battery really no problem please. its like the corners abit bent and its not obvious i swear. wtf or wtf? meh.

while queuing up, i overheard someone wanting to change his battery when he chose the buy back option so i asked mun to ask the person change too because low battery lifespan. HAHA. the person didnt even check the bents and agreed to change the battery loh. meh.

so thats how we cheat the whole thing.

anyway the laptop bag also belongs to mun. shall look for mine and return her soon. somewhere in the storeroom. meh.

2011-12-27T13:15:00.002+08:00

Her hair fell messily into place. Clad in her school uniform, she had clearly brought all the attention to her face. Although bare, without any trace of makeup, she is still as mesmerizing. Her eyes deep, her lips dry and you could see her braces that fit perfectly with her elegance. You cant help but exclaimed silently in your head, such a beauty and started wondering if anyone notices you like how you notice her.

And if I were a boy, I would definitely be attracted to her. She must be one of the beauty in her school.

2011-12-27T01:20:00.002+08:00

quoted from qinaide love the supper. love the chats. love you =)

i realised i have a lot to say about you. nothing to do and i shall create a formspring and be upset if no one ever ask me any question. haha

2011-12-26T18:04:00.006+08:00

so on christmas eve, dinner with family and this year, qinaide and lousydonkey joined us =) too much food and lousydonkey was really honest with my brother. she always wanted to be my sister in law and for what motive, i really have no idea. =)

and after dinner is like a must to play mj. haha. maybe its like holiday mood. i can see the next time they played will be either newyear or chinesenewyear. haha. took over my brother halfway the game. and suddenly kev came surprised me outside my house.

he told me he went to church service which starts midnight with his mom and he coming was really unexpected =) and he came with this sticker on his shirt, "i ♥ you whole heartedly" so cute. =)

and i gave him madewithloveandeffort =) and this made us quarreled so many times. he kept saying that anniversary was a two people thing and i also need to put in some effort to make something for him. meh. it was meant to be a surprise so where can say. so throughout the whole time when he was faulting me, i just kept really quiet and angry. haha.

since i have been giving him cards, this year, i gave him a box and have 3D effort somemore.

exactly last year, he was running 8 flight of stairs to ask me to be his girlf. this year, i did the same to him. as in i didnt run that flight of stairs but i showed him the flip cards, the way he showed me last year.

the next day, put in a little more effort to makeup since its the special day. =)

and while waiting for kev to come picked me up, i started taking many photos because i was bored. meh. and this was dedicated to erm HAHAHA. inside joke =)

so finally kev came and he stood outside surprised me with this again =) i think he got the hint from the madewithloveandeffort because i placed a fake bouquet of roses on the fake table. haha.

but something more special was that each rose was tagged and i can only choose one rose at a time if i am good to him. i think he knew that my temper was getting really bad and we always quarrel for no reason. so yup. good tacit to coax me. haha. i didnt get angry throughout until at the later part of the day when i gotten all the roses. HAHA.

after getting all the roses, must take photo =)

those little card that was tagged along with the roses, all are some nice and sweet quotes that portray our relationship and his confession of love for me. =)

while shopping for my christmas present, kev insisted that i should go into a bookshop with him and immediately i saw my favorite author with a newly published book. i already had a collection of all her books so i was really happy when i saw new book again. but when i was contemplating if i should get it, kev bough it for me. yeay =)

simple things made me happy =)

because we are getting late, we rushed down to greatworldcity to collect the turkey and we bought some side dishes from this place which spell expensive. haha. =) however, because his house was under some form of renovation and there isnt water, couldent get to eat the turkey. so ended up to the market to have my favorite porridge, carrotcake and mango icejelly desert =)

back from dinner, waiting for movie. full. meh. =)

baby, i love you =)

and he finally accepted the fact that my eyes are bigger than his =) and because of that, i would like our kids to have eyes like mine and eyelids like yours. haha.

happy anniversary =)

and ending with an act pretty/sexy/thick hair picture. happy holidays people!

2011-12-24T17:22:00.007+08:00

got qinaide's hellokitty balloon and surprised her with a handmade hellokitty cake outside her house. she was so shock that her chest hurt. that look on her was epic. HAHAHA. anyway, it was raining so heavily and daddy in the end asked my brother to fetch me to collect the balloons at the ulu industrial area. i was about to walk to qinaide's house when suddenly daddy gave in and decided to drive me over to her house instead. =)

but because of that, lousydonkey was angry with me because she said i didnt offer to pick her up =( sorry darling.

and i got this balloon for lousdonkey as well. i hope you like it =) when i was looking through all the designs, i knew this is the one she must be aiming. and i got it right =) i hope you like it babygirl. bestfriend forever =)

so yesterday was qinaide's birthday and party was great. its been so long since i went zouk with lousydonkey and i like the way she just stick to me whole night. hahahaha. girls night out still the best like we can get all bitchy. =) dance floor was so packed that meh. my feet hurts with so many people stepping on me.

anyway many people make drinking nice but not as nice when you are on a dancefloor. haha.

and the reason why i am not wearing my cardigan was i accidentally pour my whole cup of drinks on lousydonkey. haha. i dont know how it happened. somehow the cup just topple from my hand, yes, my hand and it landed on lousydonkey because she was sitting beside me. meh. and half of my cardigan was wet. so meh. flabby arms =(

must appear in every photo so when the girls are taking the picture, i joined in even though i am on the phone with kev. haha. was very angry with him the whole day and even on the phone but ya. since he once again, never caught me doing anything wrong on the dance floor, he was not that angry anymore. haha. but he still try to find fault like i never push his hands away when he placed it on my waist. like totally go and die. i knew its your hands what. meh. why my boyfriend like this one?

outcasted. haha. anyway the girl beside me, kristin, knew her existence when i was secondary2. haha. my ex-player-twotimed-boyfriend twotimed her. and i was seriously, she was so much better than the girl he was with then. meh. his loss. so thats our common thing. haha.

and that was steph. she was really funny like she can get very very high without drinking at all. haha. and the reason why she cannot drink was she get drunk like in a few sips. that was waht i heard so ya. haha. she has like really good assets. =)

nothing. just two pairs of bestfriend forever. =)

and lousydoneky. came a long way. like really long =) i love her even though she sucks because her retribution falls on me. meh =( but i totally forgave her because my retribution falls on her. wahahaha.

brithday girl =) and it was only this year end that the three of us get really close with one another. i mean we were bestfriend since J1 but then we hang out once awhile and we dont meet nor text everyday. now we are texting and meeting like almost every other day. =) E E J (Eileen, Elizabeth, Jasmine). okay. i am the outcast again. haha. or is it E J J (Eileen, JingYi, Jasmine) and let that birthday girl be the outcast? haha. okay. J J J (Jieyi, Jingyi, Jasmine)

i am really happy now with life with all these people around me =)

big big picture of me. i think i am cute leh. how arh? HAHA

Merry Christmas's eve everyone and enjoy your long weekend! =)

2011-12-23T12:56:00.003+08:00

so i get a call in the morning telling me that people spelt Christmas as Xmas arent wrong because in the greeks, Christmas is spelt as Xmas. So now i googled and check. meh.

in the Greek alphabet the letter C (Chi) is the first letter in the Greek word for Christ. During the persecution of Christians, the X was used as a secret signs among the Christians.

okay. so now are we in persecution that we have to use the secret sign?

then i googled again, another reason was people can write Xmas faster. so ya. tell me again. anything wrong with my status? anyway, i write my opinions. i was so insecure that i went to check everyone facebook to make sure that they are my friends. for those who i dont recognized. i deleted them all. that how scary you made me feel.

2011-12-22T21:50:00.003+08:00

so sometime last week i watched a random episode of secret garden on cable, i started watching the whole drama online and i like it since episode 13 and episode 17 to 18 made me cry a whole of tissue. and the ending is nice. not corny. not fake but its simple and true which made it really nice.

joowon. =)

wednesday went town to shop for christmas present. actually wanted to go on tuesday, but morning kev came down after his duty and we brought lili to the cinemas to watch alvin and the chipmunks. =) she was so cute i swear. =)

nom nom nom cheap udon at takashimaya's basement since i couldent satisfy my craving for it on tuesday. its like so buttery but surprisingly i am still not sick of the taste when i finish eating, unlike creamy chicken we had at pastaminia those kind. =)

like a pregnant, now i crave for pizzahut garlic bread since udon is satisfied.

anyway i was quite upset because i couldent find the perfect gift for my babygirls. =( so by the time i reached bugis, i already gaveup looking and kev made it worse. i dont know. we quarreled alot but i admit he does givein to me alot as well.

i like the presents i got for them so much that i think i will go get one for myself next time i go down. haha =)

broke but cant wait for christmas.

2011-12-13T23:54:00.003+08:00

he was saying, if ever anything happened, he will be the one, not my friends, staying by my side and making everything alright. yet now its my friends who are staying with me and making sure everything alright. not him but my friends.

and the compass in my mind, i saw qinaide walking towards the south, lousydonkey towards the east and me towards the north. now i need to find someone who walks towards the west. haha.

now comes the test. this night going to be long.

2011-12-11T20:57:00.000+08:00

and i suddenly remember tom and marlon and chaos called me last night telling me they miss me. aww. such sweet bro i have. =) i

2011-12-11T20:12:00.005+08:00

so for the past few times, i have been going phuture with qinaide and i was really happy. unlike many, i think i am a happy drunk =) i dont scream, i dont talk alot, i dont cry, i am just happy. haha.

and for that slut. who is a 2face cunt. whatever fuckshit, fat, big sized asshole. i can bite better lips than you and i look cute and when guys saw me, they go "awww. so cute, i want" rather than when they saw yours, they go "she is out looking for sex, i want". you want her guy, go get it with your own ability and stop hurting my friend when you got rejected. i dont understand how you able to treat her so nice and next moment you go all bitchy behind her back. know something, no wonder the guy you love ALWAYS dont love you back.

you know how to spell karma? K. A. R. M. A.

thick fat eyebrow. =) big fat nose =) me. jasmine. hahaha.

and qinaide, whats on your finger? it doesnt look like a ring. meh.

and while on our way to the zouk office, to help collect the zoukout tickets, i heard zouk was playing titanic - my heart will go on and on and on and on and i decided to sing it. last time back in jurongwest, i used to score 99 when i sung this at home with the ktv system we had. that was a lie because i realised that as long as you sing very loudly, even if you arent on the right tune, you still will score 99. haha.

aiya, thats one of my very nice childhood memory. haha. so i started singing and this uncle looking gave me 2 drink coupons. hahaha. i gave both to qinaide because me no want to drink already and i know how and when to stop.

i told you i was a happy drunk. haha =)

anyway this year zoukout, i was at sentosa, together with the girls who is preparing to go and i went home after which. hahaha. i read all the tweets. they seem happy and high. its good to know. haha =)

lastly. i am having a serious constipation AGAIN =(

kev sent a text, telling me that when things go wrong, he will be the one there for me, not other guy nor my friends. i thought through it very hard. when things went wrong. its always

(not in any order)

1. elizabeth.

2. eileen.

3. my sister.

4. my father.

to me. its always action speaks louder than words. lets say for example, when i am stuck outside house, elizabeth immediately texted and asked me to go down to her house. eileen said the same thing and even offered to pay for my cab fare.

you called. yes. called. and then what? i am supposed to do the talking. great! and i will never forget you said this: "you got the ipad with you? then everything fine"

so when next time i am stuck in the forest, should i console myself by saying, i have the ipad with me. i am going to be fine and alive. solve my unhappiness dude. not stop me from being happy with your selfish reasons.

i went eyelashes extension yesterday and i think its not that bad considering it to be cheap. haha =)

2011-12-11T19:02:00.007+08:00

so now that i am back in singapore, my bodyclock is so bad that i usually sleep when daybreak and wakeup when everyone is going home from work. life is surprisingly good this way. just that i tend to get a little lonely at night when everyone sleeping and i have nothing to do other than watching dramas and shows. meh.

i used to be so into blogging and updating this little personal space of mine until i dont know since when i stopped. ohh well. i guess laziness gets into me.

all the way back to may, when kev gotten an ipad and till date i still think its an impulse buy. i mean he doesnt even use it and i am the one who has been using it, especially when my iphone went cranky and died on me.

talking about my iphone, last saturday, i accompanied my dad to causewaypoint to get him winter wear, we walked passed m1 shop and he just asked me to go get my phone. meh. i was so happy shock. but as expected, m1 doesnt have stock for iphone and daddy suggested that i should get it at singtel. meh. white wasnt my favorite. anyway i couldent port my line over because the contract with m1 isnt up. blah blah blah. i went to check with m1 again following monday and they do have stock BUT they didnt want to sell to people who are recontracting. i bet they just want to earn more money by selling the handset. meh. nevermind. i will wait.

so this was the very first photo we took using the ipad and that day its when kev went down to qihua primary to pick me home after my practicum. =)

so in early july, after my practicum and before my school starts, i went on a holiday trip with lousydonkey. i think we took photos with kev's camera and till date i do not know where are the photos still. meh. its not that surprising because my 21st birthday photos are still with qinaide and i bet she lost them already. my 21st. meh =(

and i went to cut my hair at some atas place and there goes my fringe. meh. i think i can cut better than most professional hairdresser. serious. other than ah man (used to work at highest at far east), none of them cut nice fringe. meh. =(

back from bangkok and still in holiday mood, skipped school and i took mc. hahaha. last chance to anyhow take mc. when i start teaching, the only time i can take mc is only when i am sick. meh. =( and last practicum i remembered i wokeup late once and my ct very kindly took over my lesson and he never fault me. meh. i think i am always very lucky and always meet nice ct unlike most of my other friends who seem to always be in conflict with their schools or cts. i hope my luck continue next year. =) spot that feather braid which i did it in bangkok together with lousydonkey =)

near end of the semester, after a lecture test which i think we discussed the answer, but i provided most of the answer because i was really confident =) i had no time to study therefore, i goggled the concepts on my way to school. something on current, potential difference, voltage and circuits. i am not good in physic but i bet to differ now. haha. or maybe when my results out, i am going to realise i am still bad in physic. meh.

so after the test, we were supposed to go for farah's birthday nom nom nom. she said she had something so then okay loh. left with mun, we went to nom nom ourselves and there i found this doraemon pancake and i immediately wanted one. =) i go for the most original one - redbean. so nice. =)

after meeting mun, kev came down to look for me and he got me this. i used to like stickers and i still do and i remembered he got me the giraffe stickers when i was angry with him for dont know what reasons, then he got me the littlegreenman stickers which is my favorite cartoon character other than eeynore. and now i have more stickers to the collection =)

sometimes the problem with school is that they are really ambitious. its not a bad thing but they must see the feasibility of it. meh. they introduced this method of teaching science and everyone knows its impossible. meh. we still need to do presentation and even a teaching package for that. hate it. anyway we ended that module with a celebration of pizza, with the curtsey of mun. =)

her family now runs the pizza shop. lousydonkey's family runs newbie shop and a shop at bugis street. qinaide's family runs something too. rich friends. hahaha

my face still really swollen after more than a week of wisdom tooth operation. meh =( and thats my group. once bitten twice shy and after TWO times, i swear, there will never be a thrid time. anyway i dont think i will ever see them in my tutorial group. so yup. may the coming semester let me have good group members. =)

finally after erm, 2 weeks, my face is less than obvious swollen =) and that night, elves and the shoemaker. its nice. like i thought its just purely on the story itself and surprisingly, they add in other characters from other fairytales. =)

rushing to the musical only ended up having the redbean pancake. nom nom nom. surprisingly, its also really nice. =)

towned for dinner. after two weeks, still swollen. meh =(

and last wednesday, i met mun and farah for strictly pancakes. =) before mun flew to cambodia for some ocip =) satisfied her cravings. the pancakes were too fillings and they were good. still as yummy except for the chocolate one. they were too erm. i dont know. too sweet? pictures for that was too overrated. haha. so if you ever going there, DO NOT order this unless you are a super huge fan of chocolate and have super sweet tooth. but still, do not order. haha =)

meh. i am a good photographer.

sir benedict. i broke the yoke and i dirtied my shirt while trying to eat the yoke =(

still as yummy. garlic and herb prawns. its so heavenly nice. i like. =)

kev and i. no more bangs and i am trying to grow my fringe so that i can braid my hair. haha and if its not nice, i am going back to bangs. anyway, i am my hairdresser so anytime, i can cut my hair. ohh well =)

2 years ago when i was in cambodia with mun, she introduced me this drink and i loved it immediately =) last year when i was in cambodia, everytime i went town with chak, and if i were to get a drink, i would definitely choose this drink and even chak knew that i love this drink =) earlier this week, i saw this drink at the ntuc at kev's area and without second thought, i bought it (kev paid for it) hahaha. now i know where to get my favorite drink without going to cambodia. =)

i hope mun she is getting all the experience she is looking for in cambodia. =)

2011-12-08T21:26:00.002+08:00

i just realized that being a girl is not fun at all.

i finally get myself out of my bed at 8 in the night to wash up and up till now, i am not even near finishing.

bathe. conditioned my hair. bodyscrubed. eyemasked. facialmasked. bodylotioned. make myself a detox drink. and now vibrating my calf while typing this post. its more than an hour already and i am still washing up.

girls. for the sake of beauty.

2011-12-05T04:12:00.000+08:00

havent visit here for the longest time, i will soon.

2011-11-15T00:29:00.002+08:00

yesterday kev got me this big softtoy =) although not a fan of pluto, but among the micky's family, pluto my favorite. and he is so comfortable that i always fall asleep when i hug him. like an immediate curse. it happened thrice today. =)

and i dont think i can stay in china already =( today i went to the library wearing long sleeves, then a cardigan and a jacket. 3 layers but i was feeling so cold that i can literally feel my cells going into hibernation. =(

i went home and with my cardigan still on, i snuggled under the blankets. boohoo. i heard dandong is highest temperature is only 11 and can go as low as negative 6. AND I NEVER PREPARE winter clothing.

another 11 more hours and i can keep all my notes and books and enjoyed the rest of my holiday until next year. i cannot wait.

i finished the animal part and now the plant. no. kill me. i hate plants. i still hate them. why must have plants?

2011-11-14T01:00:00.002+08:00

was so tired that i decided to read the newspaper. kev called and asked me what am i doing and i told him i was reading the papers. and his reply was sarcastic, something along the line that the strait times has my study material in it. i just knew it. haha

anyway at least i enjoyed myself today and taking exam for a module isnt as bad as all the previous semester. =)

2011-11-12T16:37:00.002+08:00

i had a quick scan on the posts i had blogged from october to december last year and i realized that i wrote better and most importantly, i was happy. i was appreciative of what i had.

i gave up and in returned, all i got was days full of bullshit and i was trapped in this box, deprived of everything.

i shall go church tomorrow. i need some god time.

2011-11-11T02:19:00.002+08:00

some people can be so selfish. i dont know and daddy said he dont know why too. yeay. thats what he told me when he was driving me home.

and sometimes i really think strangers are so much more helpful. perhaps thats the reason why i stop interacting.

2011-11-09T21:44:00.003+08:00

very very very excited. =) i am going for another children musical. gingerbreadman was awesome. i am sure this is going to be really good as well! =)

friday going to be good. end of presentation, cleared another module and then i am going for elves and the shoemaker =)

2011-11-09T01:13:00.002+08:00

dont understand why i must be the one trying to make the effort to meet the insurance agent to pass him the receipts for the claim. i stayed 3 busstop away, 1 train stop away. not very far right? let see when will i then be able to pass the receipts for claim.

today was good after submitting 2 assignments, 3 mc, return resource guides, sent the heavy laptop for repair and finishing a test. and all these conclude 3 modules. =) one more test later in the afternoon, one more presentation on friday and one more major and i will be done.

done as in flying to hongkong for my well deserved holiday and then china to widen my learning zone =)

kev also deserved some lovely me because he helped me so much with my essay. its like he helped me to structure the essay, then looked for all the points for the main body while i did the minimum like google for the introduction and conclusion. he edited almost 3/4 of the essay and left a quarter for me to edit. then he edit want i edited and making sure everything proper. sent back to me to edit one last time. my job basically was just wait, receive, print.

anyway, wanted to send to farah and liting home but we ended up at causeway point for seoul garden. not that we are celebrating but it seems like we are celebrating for completing 3 modules. =) now i need to study hard for my major and them doing their fyp report cum presentation.

i am finishing my year 4 sem 1 in less than a week. HAHA. i am wearing my graduation robe soon. meh.

2011-11-05T20:14:00.003+08:00

while waiting for kev to come over, which means i have like a good 20 minutes, i thought i can blogged something. have been updating so frequently ever since i am stuck at home because of my wisdom tooth surgery.

yesterday daddy scolded me because he caught me still using the computer at 4 in the morning. he said i should stay in bed and sleep because i just finished an operation and then he had that worried look. =) i was staring into the screen, reading so much about Dr Goh Keng Swee. then this morning when i was staring into the screen again, i decided not to do the essay about him. i wasted one whole yesterday on him and boohoo i didnt dream of any good essay paragraphs that i can used for my essay. i just knew it.

nah. i still think my luck is good. like really good. there are so many times i could get into serious trouble, but i didnt.

looking at myself, arent i lucky to have daddy and sister as well to worry about my hairloss, my constipation, my spectacles by daddy, the clothes i am wearing by daddy, my braces and if daddy knows my iphone in heaven, he will surely get me another one. meh.

and when i started with ymca, he has always been supportive with my late nights and the frequent camps then now i starting volunteering overseas for months, he paid for everything and he allows me to go. like alone, at least a month or two.

when i start earning, i will bring him to japan, since he mentioned =)

i think i am a lucky brat.

anyway i cannot remember who told me that if that time the NEA courtcase got me, i would need to leave NIE and pay that crazy bond of 99thousands because teachers cannot have court case or any bad records. meh. what happened to the yellow ribbon?

then someone i also cannot remember told me that yellow ribbon is only an initiative that government wants the private cooperation to employ the ex-convits. what a scam. boohoo.

2011-11-05T18:19:00.000+08:00

have i ever share how lucky i am till date? =)

2011-11-05T01:25:00.000+08:00

2011-11-05T01:16:00.004+08:00

i am not happy. boohoo. and i want to watch this and cry myself silly.

and when the swelling subside? enough of all the headache which make me want to sleep and not do my assignments at all. and if i were who i were 2 years ago, tonight you will catch me outside zouk with qinaide and lousydonkey. who cares about swelling ankle, who cares about swelling cheeks.

sometimes come to think of it i am just 22 loh. meh.

no point sharing with you because talking to you is akin talking to a stone. you wont listen, you wont let go and i am suffering.

2011-11-04T15:07:00.002+08:00

the swelling just have to get worse today. =(

2011-11-03T22:13:00.003+08:00

the swelling on the right and is too much for me so much that its like the first time i took so many painkillers. then liting has to tell me painkiller cannot spam because of overdosage. i dont even want to have any form of facial expression. like even blinking my eyes are so painful. boohoo. =(

i hope removing stitches arent painful at all.

and after a sleep, there was bloodstain on my cheeks and the wound is still bleeding. coming back from china means left side operation. i dont want to go through another time of this. meh =(

I JUST REMEMBER THE DENTIST SAID I MUST STILL PUT MY ELASTIC BANDS. no. i am skipping the elastic bands for this weekend. =(

and thanks qinaide for accompany me to the dentist. i hope you like the hellokitty tattoo/sweet and the cheese muffin =)

2011-11-02T11:14:00.002+08:00

While reflecting on my test which I took like 5 minutes ago waiting for my next tutorial which for once I am early, I can only hope for the best. Didn't attend tutorials and didn't bring notes to revise is a bad bad choice. The revision of the test is purely based on google during the train/bus ride here.

It's either google is good or I searched the right thing and learnt fast because most of the questions I can do actually do and even provide my friends the answer. This test is so stupid because it's all based on integrity. Not that we do not have but we choose not to exercise it.

Next week is bad because I have 2 heavy assignments which carry more than 40% due on the same day and a test which also carries 40% on that very day, followed by another major test the day afterwhich.

I do believe I work best when faced with stress but I pray for strength.

2011-11-02T00:18:00.002+08:00

i think my makeup got improve leh. hor hor hor?

2011-11-01T21:27:00.003+08:00

i have a test tomorrow. never ending. never ending. =(

so yesterday i followed qinaide to fareast to topup her rack and she got me these hellokitty sunglasses at lili's shop =) so cute. i like. i may not be the biggest fan of hellokitty but i like things that are cute. =) qinaide treated me dinner at ippudo too and the potato salad is so yummy. i like =)

long day in school today and kev came down to pick me up from school, surprised me with my favorite sunflowers =) i was still angry with him earlier in the afternoon because his tone towards me arent very nice. kev check my phone too and the people said my phone can be repair with around 100plus bucks. for this i rather get a new phone right? if i wait until next year, will there still be stock for 4Gs? i dont want to be like some idiots to go queue for the phone. haha. anyway dinner was good and i saw black and jj and i was so awkward that i didnt even say hello. anyway i think they are friendly no more. haha.

so for now i am stuck with the cutie pink phone whereby the battery last me for 2days! but texting makes my finger hurts much.

i lost my creditcard. meh =(

2011-10-31T23:51:00.002+08:00

i dont want to go school. i dont want to go for wisdom tooth surgery. i dont have determination.

2011-10-31T14:31:00.003+08:00

i can kill myself. i always thought apple are so good that no matter how many times i dropped my phone, it wont die. but my phone slowly dying and finally its dead. meh. i am so upset.

on a brighter note. at least i didnt lose my iphone like the previous one. so now i am back to using qinaide's pink cutie which she lend me and i very thick skinned never return her at all. =( i dislike texting now because i need to use much force to punch the buttons. not very nice. and i cannot twitter anymore unless i swipe out the ipad.

rain is so heavy. the baby at home so noisy. should i go library to study? one more week and 2 assignment due. i dislike writing essay and i can die already because i have not HAVE NOT start on any research.

spooktacular yesterday was scary. actually its not that scary but i very loserish because i kept screaming and the ghost ended up kept coming to me. not good jasmine not good. no photos this year because i went with someone who dont take pictures. i wanted to take pictures so badly one actually. meh =( 2years ago my ymca clique just kept snapping away.

and i was so angry with those young kids nowadays. like whatever they think they own the world or something. the group queuing infront of us had like 7 people and another group wanted to CUT QUEUE. ended up its like a group of 17 people which means longer waiting time. the waiting time was already 1hour loh. kns. and to cut queue you have to ask the people behind what, whom is us. so i behind kept ti ti niam them loudly! who cares seriously. and i even wanted to complain to the in charge said they cut queue when their turn is nearing. so that they have to requeue for another hour after waiting for an hour. HAHA. i didnt in the end. if qinaide or lousydonkey with me they will sure entertain me. kev was just asking me to forget it forget it and what nevermind. kns. meh.

i had fun. i was happy until you have to give me that kind of attitude again that i wanted to giveup already.

2011-10-27T23:58:00.002+08:00

so i met lousydonkey and i missed all those awesome time we used to have. she is a slut and now i know where she learn the word slutbag. whatever.

i am meeting her again tomorrow and maybe on a saturday. =)

no school tomorrow but i cannot sleep in. dentist. waxing and sinseh. meh

2011-10-24T20:10:00.001+08:00

they say its a broken heart, but i hurt in my whole body.

2011-10-21T17:11:00.003+08:00

so that was my first halloween party. i am waiting for the second with my favorite boy.

and i asked him to download paranormal activity 3 so that we can watch together after zouk with my favorite girls.

2011-10-21T00:33:00.003+08:00

to save cost, i decided to fly tigers to guangzhou. train to beijing then train to dandong. the traveling will take me 2 whole days and i think it will be so complicated for me. i am kind of afraid and i am not very sure what kind of challenges i would face.

but i know this trip is going to be really beneficial.

i pray for safety.

anyway. random decision to visit town and all we could do was to walk in a few random shops and had dinner at ippudo. we then walked down the streets holding hands and we just talked and laughed. it was good.

i like things simple this way. =)

2011-10-20T00:32:00.002+08:00

i am sick tomorrow. i dislike practicals and i still hate it even when i am year 4. something must have happened along the way either in xingnan or fuchun which i cannot remember and therefore i hated practicals so much since innova. =( and as a year 4 science student and a science teacher to be, i still do not know how to use the microscope. how great? anyway there is group meeting tomorrow and i done my part, basically ALL my part which is really a big potion. okay. maybe the quality is still not an A standard but if i refine it, i think its going to be an A.

sometimes i can be so efficient like i think i done really well for my presentation (individually). i dont know. i spoke with such impact and all the last minute examples i quoted are actually what other people taught me for the past 4 years when i was doing all the volunteering activities. haha.

so there is this postit at the top right hand corner of my laptop to remind myself my assignments and up till now i still have not cancel anyone of them =( this is bad. and my friends were all telling me how difficult the essay is and all. the good part is: i have not start and the bad: I HAVE NOT START!

recently i have been wearing longs to cover the overgrown leg hair =( why do i get the excessive hair growth genes? more irritating when the hair doesnt help to keep me warm =( i also want smooth leg without hair one. tsk

since i am so efficient today and i am a bad student tomorrow, i will complete my science reflection today so that kev can help me edit this weekend. i am not making use, i think i am just helping him to make full use of his time as well as erm, his talent since he always say his english is like top notch. haha =)

cant wait to see him tomorrow, after his driving.

i am supposed to meet lousydonkey BUT she ps me because of her pea. =(

2011-10-15T18:28:00.004+08:00

even my daddy knows my favorite food from downstairs is mitaibak. haha =) and he is funny. he asked what i want for tomorrow breakfast, i told him okay to zhai mifen which he suggested and asked me why dont want mitaibak?

and earlier when i was napping, i dreamt that daddy asked if i still have money and i told him no. i woke up feeling so upset because its a dream. then my daddy really asked if i have money to spend and he gave me money. its like so so so long since i taking money from him. no more tuition already so ya loh. poor chap. =(

i am now waiting for zhiyong to come pick me up to go the the halloween-birthday bash. not going to dressup. i am going to be a cute bunny. i figure out that i cannot be sexy pretty like lousydonkey or pretty sexy like qinaide. i shall be my adorable cutie pie =)

the last one was =( because when i was showering, i accidentally run the facial foam into my nose and i keep on keep on keep on sneezing since then. =(

anyway, qinaide, cute right? where got whatthefuck? big blow on my birthday and i am going to remember for like 10 years. =(

2011-10-14T23:47:00.002+08:00

i was driving mommy first time and she was rather excited and kept saying she needs to buy 4D because it was like her first time in the car. haha. and she was actually asking why the car has a triangle plate and i told her that new drivers need that for a year. she thought i just passed my test and i could see her totally shocked face when i told her that i passed last year my birthday. haha.

anyway, driving my mother is so much better than driving my daddy minus away all the jittery. and mommy was asking if daddy nags at me when i drove him to work the other morning.

i got lost finding my way to the doctor and mommy was being really nice trying to help me look for directions and never once get impatient with me. i think she knew i was panicking and so not to add on the any bursting emotions i was having.

i just finished my reflection and i am going to do my slides and then if i am not tired, another reflection. i am not going to let my lazy bug get me again because i can see that piling workload is not something i should be proud of at all. haha.

and ya, stayed over at kev's last night and i self proclaimed long weekend when i skipped school. things didnt go as what i planned and i couldent get liting to help me with my attendance. no, i am not in trouble because i still got myself mc from my sinseh when i went for followup session. haha. the amount that i accumulated was like over a hundred and the session is not over yet. =( i think i still have 1o more sessions to go before i am fully healed.

skipping school today means i did not turn up for my group meeting as well. anyway i seriously thought they canceled the meeting because the slides werent ready yet. =(

i cant wait to the semester to end because i am going to so many different countries. okay. actually only 3. haha. first hongkong then to taiwan and finally china where i will be staying for a month worth to do teaching to the orphans. i am not sure how much they can learn. afterall, they are children with special needs and they need more than my one month of attention. staying in an orphanage would also mean that my interaction with them is more than just within the classroom. i hope whatever i learnt in cambodia will help me.

on a brighter note, maybe i will like china people more with a more decent improved chinese when i am back.

i am doing fundraising too. please please please, help the little orphans to have a good christmas this year, so please do donate alright? =)

2011-10-05T23:22:00.005+08:00

because i stopped visiting facebook for quite some time, this come as a surprise when i saw this posted on my wall.

i was so happy. its like chakmun has so many different groups doing service at his centre, and he dont really need me there much. so can you imagine how happy this post really is? suddenly i feel like going back once more and stay there, ever if its a week. school oh why school? =(

now i miss everything. when i always trouble chakmun, following him around, insightful conversations, to disturbing toffee to even the insects there. okay. i am kidding about the insects part. haha.

remember i shared before about: people always learnt alot when they are volunteering and a few days after volunteering. then those emotions slowly die off when they get busy with their everyday things again? sadly, i guess i am one of those people now. =(

2011-09-29T15:37:00.003+08:00

i wokeup at 2 and 2hours later, i havent start with my assignment. kill die me. =(

anyway yesterday ladies night with the girls like finally after a long while. didnt htht much while drinking but i was contented and happy like this. =)

kev♥ came after our drinking session and he looked so small on the dancefloor. its like he was totally camouflaged with many many giants. anyway. the dancefloor was not packed like the usual fridays and saturdays. ample space for me to turn and turn. i like =)

and earlier in the afternoon i rushed down to dentist because i want to choose my rubberband color badly. haha. although i was like a minute or two late, my dentist this time round allowed me to choose my colors. so happy. so yup, we both are biting on the rainbow =) and its kev♥ last month wearing his braces already.

i was really happy last night =)

time to do my assignment.

2011-09-27T22:35:00.000+08:00

i miss doing voluntary work. i miss clubbing.

2011-09-23T01:04:00.002+08:00

you wont know how the feeling like when every single day you felt you going to get replaced anytime, and in a corner of your heart, you already felt you were replaced.

i am not like you. i need my best friends to survive because they fill up the part which you cannot fill.

all because of your restrictions and the reason why i allow is because i love you too much. and i said before, you want to make my life revolve around you, you better make sure your life revolve around mine, which include your sleep.

i should not have proclaim my love for you in front of qinaide and michelle today.

anyway, still thanks for buying me food, and helping me with my whole reflection.

just dont come looking for me,

i need that time alone.

2011-09-22T00:10:00.002+08:00

okay. so now i am tired. stress. scare =(

school is not good. but kev♥ is good. so i decided while waiting for him to wakeup and call me, i will do my revision. painfully. slowly.

2011-09-19T12:51:00.009+08:00

yup thats me, the girl who you called a clubber, the girl who you can see me every weekend outside zouk. from drinking in clubs, to bringing our own drinks to buying bottles. from long hair to short hair back to long again. from bangs to still bangs. from nice fringe to ugly fringe to nice fringe again. from faking our way in to walking in without having our ic check.

i started clubbing since 17, we used to step into clubs 3 times a week, with the same clique, thats my circle of friends. dont judge.

as i think back, i used to club even with my ankle wrapped. i used to hold my drinks really well.

i was happy. i like my friends. we dont steal nor rob nor kill. just girls, talking silly, doing silly, and when i think back, i laughed because we are all so ugly but funny.

but i have changed, they can see, why cant you?

i have a point to prove, and i proved.

2011-09-15T23:21:00.001+08:00

and this caught my attention. actually i like the way he wrote his thoughts, ever since the very first i heard on his 21st. i just like the way its thought provoking:

"People gotta stop whining about their lives and stop loosely saying FML. Seriously, you think you have a tough day? My grandma had a tough life, so fuck off will ya.

Oh, what's that you say? Your YouTube video doesn't load after 1sec? Give it a goddamn while for fucks sakes, it flying thru the air. Try building your own broadband then dumbass. Start appreciating things you have in this modern world for once in your imposing life.

Ooh, it's so hazy now. Quit fucking whining you motherfucker. I don't give a shit if there's haze cause I have eyes to see and there's nothing you can do other than posting the obvious on Facebook. You complain when you sit in an enclosed aircon room and the haze doesn't even remotely touch your skin and you only contact it when you go collect the mcdonalds delivery that is always late. During our parents' time, they first have to catch the chicken, breed the chicken, raise the chicken, kill the chicken, pluck the chicken before it gets turned into the fucking double mcspicy patty that you take for granted.

So, the next time M1 or singtel gives you a lousy signal, or you feel like whining about any of your first world problems, for fucks sake. Shut the fuck up. I don't need you shitting in my ears now"

-Julius Chen

2011-09-14T23:21:00.003+08:00

me scare snails and i nearly stepped onto one today. i hate heavy rains because of the massive overcrowding of snails all over the pavements. =(

but i also one weird kid when i actually go count how many snails i saw on my way home from my tuition kid's house. 7 big snails and 16 small ones. how bad.

baby faster BOOKED your driving and pass it so that we can get a car. you pay. =)

2011-09-13T23:29:00.002+08:00

got home to a pleasant surprise when i found out that the baby my mother baby sitting is staying over. she is so cute i swear and makes me want to have a kid myself. haha.

i have nothing on my brain for reflection. how to squeeze out those words. =(

i realize my anger for kev always dont last long. =)

2011-09-12T13:00:00.001+08:00

i miss kev. quite badly.

2011-09-10T01:03:00.004+08:00

i woke up at midnight sharp and switched on my phone. saw the time to be 12.ooam and i waited for a near 5minutes, thinking the time will change to maybe 9pm or maybe 10pm. it didnt. i check my watch. shugs. its really midnight.

i just wanted a simple an hour worth of sleep BUT i ended up sleeping for 7hours. i must have been really tired.

i am hungry but no appetite. decided to say no to dinner when my dad asked if i want to eat. but he is getting me breakfast tomorrow so i better wake up earlier to eat before my tuition. =)

and the reason why i dont feel like contacting you, is that i am feeling so much happier and better after my sleep. i dont want you to spoil my night and make me go through some another emotion revolution again.

no one likes the fact that they have been checked on constantly. not contacting you doesnt give you the rights to check my location. i am sick of you trying to invade into my privacy. mind you. i like the way you come into my life and stay in it but its a different thing when i said my privacy need to be respected.

RESPECT DUDE. did you even learn this word?

going to pop some pills and continue my deep slumber. tomorrow will be a hard working day with all my assignments and i need to study for my biology test, all after my tuition.

and i need to get daddy to make me new spectacles.

梁咏琪 - 原来爱情这么伤

2011-09-07T00:53:00.000+08:00

2011-09-07T00:25:00.003+08:00

我睁开眼睛
却感觉不到天亮
东西吃一半
莫名其妙哭一场
我忍住不想
时间变得更漫长
也与你有关
否则又开始胡思乱想

我日月无光

忙得不知所以然

找朋友交谈
其实全帮不上忙
以为会习惯
有你在才是习惯
你曾住在我心上
现在空了一个地方

原来爱情这么伤
比想象中还难
泪水总是不听话
幸福躲起来不声不响

太多道理太牵强
道理全是一样
说的时候很简单
爱上后却正巧打乱

只想变的坚强
强到能够去忘
无所谓悲伤
只要学会抵抗

原来爱情这么伤

原来爱情是这样

这样峰回路转
瞎了眼还要再爱一趟

有一天终于打完
思念的一场战
回过头再看一看

原来爱情那么伤

下次还会不会这样

this song has been on my playlist on repeat for the longest period of time. although its an old song, its always the oldies that get us hooked, no?

school has been a bitch and i am not giving up. friends are all nice and i actually like spending time with them. working with people who are so motivated and funny, it just make everything more comforting. actually my last full semester, i have not step out of my comfort zone because i just stay with people i know and i like. and life is good being like this now. =)

i am too old for action pack drama.

daddy is back. but he is leaving for korea in less than a week. feeling jealous although its a work trip for him. leaving singapore, dropping everything here at the moment is something i want so badly suddenly.

and after tomorrow presentation, i still cannot take a breather because of all the deadlines that i have to meet the following week. =(

and i heard the most stupid comment from someone closest, saying NIE is easier than NTU. fucker opinion seriously. its like telling me that NIE is some EM3 where as NTU is EM1. how are you different with those people who actually said that NIE is just a dumping ground? SOME NTU GRADUATES CANNOT EVEN FIND A JOB COME ON. and at the end of the day we are getting TWO certificates at one time. ARE YOUR NTU GRADUATES DOING TWO CERTIFICATES AT THE SAME TIME?

i have friends (note the S = more than one) who are now in NIE who were previously from all the top JC and even NTU/NUS GRADUATES are taking their courses in NIE. so tell me are they like sacrificing and demeaning themselves in NIE now? you just make me laugh.

if you have nothing better to say, dont say. and if you are not in the system, then dont comment as if you know every single thing. the world doesnt revolve around your definitions.

you just made yourself a tad more stupid and a joke, and you are becoming someone i will laugh and dig at and make me despise. so please dont drop into that category.

you are not the best, you need to understand this.

2011-09-05T13:19:00.003+08:00

yesterday i met the girls for some intense project meeting. yes. on a sunday and it was my first time at canele. had too much cheese and body decided to actup with me spending some time in the toilet. sometimes having some sort of dysfunctional enzymes also good. the cure for my stupid constipation.

anyway, i like working with them. although i look like some loser/free rider with them, at least i know i have secure some form of A, the rest will be my essay, of course, with kev ♥ editing it for me, its going to get better =)

my first A for the semester, come to me baby.

so kev ♥ came down and we bought mooncakes for the family. =) dinnered and we pooled. okay. my first time officially finishing a game and we gaveup for the second game. i dont like pool or snooker, whatever you call it. i suck at it totally. like when i was secondary3/4, the clique of friends taught me and i just couldent master the skill. stupid.

and the reason why we were there was more stupid. HAHAHA

anyway, have been getting angry at kev ♥ for the slightest reason. grr.

i dont think i am truly multiracial because i am always irritated by some particular race. like i was early in the library to get a seat beside the plug while waiting for my groupmates to reach, this malay, just take the seat, same table, unplug my plug, plug in hers. I DIDNT SAY I WANT TO SHARE TABLE WITH HER AND I DIDNT SAY I HAVE FINISH CHARGING MY LAPTOP.

seriously who gave her that permission? either she has low EQ or i am invisible.

i am going to be so tired at the end of the day and having makeup tuition makes it even worse. i am going to tell that kid if he wants to cancel tuition, there will not be any makeup tuition.

2011-09-03T11:26:00.002+08:00

i was logged on to my facebook for the longest time that now i am logged out, i dont know whats my password. anyone?

please, wednesday please faster come and let our group get over the presentation with an amazing A.

life is good when kev is around. but he is bad at the same time. ♥

2011-08-31T01:13:00.002+08:00

i miss kev so much =(

sometimes i am funny like this. like how i always ignore him when we were together or when he called me on the phone. and when i dont see him or hear his voice, i want him again so badly.

i hate him most of the time but on those time when i love him, its so much that it covers up those hatred. haha. i really am in a love hate relationship with him.

i have another long weekend because friday class is cancelled BUT i have tuition early in the morning on saturday.

sister is back from germany and she is flying off to korea in about 3weeks time.

today i search for liposelection.

2011-08-26T23:13:00.004+08:00

we have been quarreling so much that i realized i have nothing happy to blog about you and us. its not that i am not appreciative, there isnt really anything at the moment or maybe not today.

yes. its this pathetic

2011-08-26T22:34:00.004+08:00

so its a friday night and i am home, on my bed, thinking of project research or to catch some rest. my stomach gave me some problems earlier and i guess i am fine now. trying to get some dirt out of my body but i failed. please shit please jasmine =(

anyway after a nearly 4 years of serving at YMCA, i finally gotten myself a special recognition of outstanding volunteer award. i could be happier =)

the very first volunteer event at ymca dated all the way back to me being just a year one student in nie. just entering nie, i heard many people from ntu saying nie is a dumping ground for all those who cannot make it into ntu but still wanted a place in ntu. i was low in moral and i thought why teaching is being despise so greatly?

now as a year 4 student, i am proud to say, i am thankful that i chose nie. being a teacher, liking kids and having an interacting job is something i always wanted. to those who once told me that nie is a dumping ground, i guess they were just some sore loser who couldent get into nie or they arent have that courage to take up the challenge to teach.

back to ymca, first camp as a programmer, i felt ultimate outcasted. i went into the committee late, where everyone was already everyone friend. i was new then. i dont know anyone and i felt no one actually really welcome me. i swore, i first meeting, i wanted to quit this place as soon as i finished the camp.

amazing things happened when friendships are formed and when everyone has a common goal. i like the camp. i like the people. i like the volunteers. i like the beneficiaries. my love, my patient, my fears, my confident, myself as a person was put to a test. i cried, knowing that this had indeed changed my life although i am not a volunteer =)

so to those who knew the initial me, when i told them i am shy, they all believe!

i stayed, from leader to acc. from ycamp to youtings. i tried all sort of roles and all sort of events. and each experience had its own challenges and each experience gave me something precious.

something local no longer enough for me. i became ambitious. i wanted something more. thats why an offer open up to me, ISP Cambodia. i gave it a good thought, decided to take up the 2weeks trip and when i came back, i knew i could do better. and off i went for another 2 months the following year.

and now i am stuck. some people said its bottleneck. ever since i came back, i was caught in the rat race of school work and i stopped volunteering for a long long time. i find excuses and i knew thats because i do not know what i want and how i should continue on my journey.

and tonight, i decided, i wanted to continue. passion should remain. and since i told people "once you started, do not stop", yes, i shouldent stop. i need to continue, otherwise, the next half will come true "once you stop, you will not continue"

i wont be able to do isp because of my bond. since overseas is out, i guess i should concentrate on local.

anyway, the main reason for this entry, not mainly about ymca. haha. i sidetracked a fair bit!

i wrote a whole chuck and i deleted it away. no point. just sleep and tomorrow waking up happy =)

its time to think of the things i want instead of thinking what other people want of me. life is too short to keep worrying how people think of me.

if those who claim the word of love towards me, they should understand perfectly fine what kind of person i am. and since they are friends with me, by my side, no point changing. they should accept me for who i am or at least have that faith in me for who i am.

2011-08-20T21:16:00.004+08:00

so before i start doing my readings, which might make me go back to my deep slumber, i thought a quick update of the past week will be good. people have been complaining that i stopped updating as frequently as compared, then again, why? i am not like some famous blogger out there in the cyber world. =)

so i woke up to find the fridge all stock up and i am really upset. i thought daddy will not be heading to ntuc today and so i never ask him. i want to buy shampoo, pad, facial wash, deodorant and he will pay for me if i went with him. now i have to wait till the next trip which i dont know when i will be free also. even so, when i am free doesnt mean that he will be. why cant those things just appear and restock themselves like some miracle?

last saturday i stepped into ymca again for some volunteer since i have not been doing it for quite sometime already. picking up tuitions and having them on saturday mornings make it hard for me to join any of the activities, unless i cancel my tuition, which isnt a really nice thing to do. but i think working at some icecream/yoghurt place sound nice but the pay going to be pathetic.

anyway, i dragged junyan and kev along with me. i like the way when kev makes the effort to know and be close to all those that i am close with. i dont know. maybe guy-guy is easier to communicate but he also made the effort to make friends with my xoxo. =) or maybe is my circle of friends too friendly to start with =)

walked around orchard after ymca and we ended up at wendy's to rest our tired soul. bought cute cupcakes to cheer myself up but i guess its appearance is so much tastier. standard drop =( and we spent the time challenging each other vocabulary. it was so hard. like when you are so tired and you need to think of the all the words i thought i never know!

i was tired but it was really fun, just him and me, spending time together.

zoom forward to thursday, when i am supposed to go down to give kev his birthday surprise, with everything all planned. but halfway my last tutorial, which i am already brain drained and dead, he just have to start an argument with me, holding back my tears and i started to think whatever i have done has just been wasted. i tell you the words he said were so hurtful that i couldent take it anymore that i decided to just let go of the whole relationship. held back my tears when daddy sent me home and when i read all the twitter texts left by qinaide and lousydonkey, i cried myself to sleep.

when i just want to hide myself under the blankets, qinaide and lousydonkey came, bringing me icecream and waffle. but waffle with peanut butter (since when i eat it with peanut butter?!) and b&j chocolate fudge brownie?! i thought all along i am a fan of strawberry cheesecake?! HAHA. but i thought the reason why they got me chocolate fudge brownie is there isnt strawberry cheesecake and they really want to get me some comfort food, of the other choices, brownie seem to be nice because i really like brownie. =)

they made me laugh so much that i thought i shouldent be sad and grouchy anymore. thankyou loves =) i have many stupid photos of them, which i know i will get kan by them but well, they really make me love them so so so much =)

you tell me how not to laugh? HAHA. anyway, one ended up watching tv and one ended up clearing emails. and then one ended up helping another to do her nails. but the one complained and said ugly hahahaha.

and finally a decent picture out of so many i dont know what they were doing then. haha.

anyway, all things good now =)

celebrated kev's birthday and that will be another post solely dedicated to him =)

mine coming too. many hints here.

2011-08-08T15:34:00.004+08:00

i thought 4 hours have past and when i check the time. dang dang dang, i still have 2 more hours to rot and clear my stuff. its a good reason to study, to recap or to complete any assignments but i felt so lazy. no. jasmine. no. i need to like aim to get as many A to pull up to a decent GPA again.

so yesterday i was talking to Kev and he was thinking of getting a hall with his army friend. i dont know. the first reaction i felt was disappointment then to think again, he should because he has endure enough for near 2years of army and its time for him to enjoy campus life again. i mean i had my fairshare and why am i even thinking of restricting him? not that i will.

think think think, i will be so busy during my first year of teaching that i might not even have time for him. so ya. yaya papaya.

and i told him that the GPA for first semester is really important because it sets your GPA for the rest of the semesters. my seniors told me that year 1 can enjoy and have fun. fuckers. i think they must have done badly and they just want to have followers like them. i know nuts about GPA then and although now i still know nuts, at least i know, your veyr first GPA is important. now as a senior myself, i go around telling people to play and to do well for first semester.

on monday, i may be a damn bitchy senior but at least, for long term, i think i am nice as a senior. at least i dont play backstabbing. =)

anyway i very scare i will see the same guy i was mean to in the campus. he must have curse me damn hard. haha

national day was nice. like really nice =) although i started my day rather badly (waking up with flu and tuition and quarrel with kev and nearly died jogging), i enjoyed myself even at night when i felt like dying with all the running nose. i took 6 flu panadols and my nose is still running much. i think flu panadols are just normal panadols loh. =(

2D1N soju bang was nice and i felt all the previous jogging had gone to a waste with so much stuffing =( i like the ideas of girlfriends going out bringing their boyfriends along. it just made the group seems larger and i like it even more when i see the girls and the boys hanging around one another, everyone seems to be like everyone best friends =)

we have already planned one more outing on the next public holiday. i know hari raya arent really much related to us but since all of us have a free day, its a good idea, even if we were to just have a meal together.

i want today to end so badly. tutorial class cancelled tomorrow which means i have a long weekend. if i self proclaim monday off, that will give me 4 days worth of holiday. HAHA

2011-08-01T03:51:00.001+08:00

because i need you more than twentyfourhours a day.

2011-07-27T10:36:00.003+08:00

the rain make it a lazy wednesday. =( i dont feel like preparing for lessons and i dont even feel like going for lessons. anyway today i am late for school like i am supposed to reach at 7.10 latest and i reached at 7.30 instead. thank goodness their assembly was in the hall today because of the gloomy sky. otherwise i will be with the pupils standing outside for being late. haha.

meet who, go where, always late. grrrrrr.

so wednesday. 2 more days of school and 5 weeks worth of practicum is over. =) no more massive rushing of lesson plans or cracking my pea brain for ideas to conduct lessons. anyway, i still think my lessons are so spoon feeding and so boring that if i were sitting in the class, i would be the first to knock off and dream about some dudes. haha.

BUT my pupils seem to enjoy themselves leh.

and teach less learn more is really more workload on the teachers' part. the preparation is like killing most of us already. the dark circle that i tried to rid of in cambodia came back, in double dosage. i might become national treasure soon. ms panda lim.

monday was our 7th and kev kindly accompanied me for my dental appointment. kind of late and we ran, splint seems to be a better word. kev was like asking what has the dentist done to me that made me so scare of her. haha. my dentist will scold me one. i scare. haha.

simple dinner and we headed home, supposedly to pillow talk but ended up sleeping. =( and he keep saying he's halfway preparing things for me, liar liar pants on fire.

cannot get enough of him, i met him again yesterday and he came down to pick me up from woodlands. =) followed him back home and our energy was so drained to dont know where, we were like so nua especially when we tried to disturb one another. haha.

i still want more of him leh how now brown cow?

so sleepy. so nice a weather. pray that it remains this way then i can have a great afternoon nap. =)

ANYWAY MY PUPILS THOUGHT I AM JUST TURNING 18 OR 19 ONLY. and i told them i am 16, they ask me dont push my luck. what sia. hahahaha.

baby♥ thanks for the past many months, making me feel that special. i love you =)

2011-07-24T11:43:00.005+08:00

i used to have a goal today - to complete as many weekly plans/lesson plans as possible so that i could meet up with kevin and go for a proper date like finally.

but everything has been taking a toll on me.

i am tired. inside out.

yesterday i was so upset that all i could do was to go for a jog at 5 in the morning. i dont know. i think a lot and i keep going that when i finished a round, i was surprised myself. i finally broke down and cried myself silly downstairs before going home for some cold shower.

my stomach has been giving me problem. second time i am bleeding this month and i am really sure its not my period. i dont know whats the problem but till now i am still having constipation.

yet when i am tired, scare, i dont know who i can go to. i can only secretly cry then faster wipe my tears when people walk pass.

i have been crying a lot for the last few days that i keep telling myself to quit having expectations, of myself and of people around me.

i dont even want comfort food anymore. i just thought maybe i should do something i want, something i like for now.

friends, if you are reading this space of mine, i would really appreciate if you can check on my emotional well-being once a while. show me that at least i still have people who care for me, who still love me.

i want to be a kid again. at least i can hide in the closet in the afternoons after school. at least i know i have my space there, i have my time there and i am protected from the outside. at least i know for that few minutes, no one can hurt me. i am protected.

2011-07-18T16:10:00.003+08:00

today is such a lazy day that i DO NOT feel like doing any work.

self proclaim rest day. i will be hardworking tomorrow. i want kevin so badly now =(

2011-07-15T20:20:00.003+08:00

now i understand why people always shout TGIF. guess they really faced a rough week before. its friday and yes celebration but not to chill or bump around but because i have more time to do my lessonplans and teaching material. i do not understand why my fellow friends seem to be so erm relaxing. those of us who are at our primary school currently are like fighting a war every single day. its not only me, its like all of us!

29th please come please come please come faster.

actually other than the lessonplans, i really like teaching. and most of the time i do not go according to my lessonplans. anyhow.

my p2 class are so adorable that i want to see them every single day. =( especially some boys who are really naughty but they are the one who are really nice to me too. in class, i always go RYAN RYAN RYAN or WEN YEW WEN YEW WEN YEW. they are so loud that kuakuakua, i always ONLY seem to hear their voice. haha.

and for p2, you can always go "eyes on me" and they will response "eyes on you" or "eyes on the whiteboard" every phrase that you said, they respond. so cute =) anyway, they are so innocent that when you stare at them, they seem to be really scare of you but the every minute you smile at them, you are all best friends again.

they are the only class which goes miss lim miss lim miss lim. =) nah. my p4 and p5 just go cher cher cher. see the difference? i hope they dont grow up.

i left 2 more observations! add oil, grow fat die me =)

so this week i wokeup late twice, with the second time taking MC. in the end i got referral letter to go for some checkup for my terrible constipation. i think the doctor suspect me having some cancer. he look so worried.

anyway, wednesday. if that is a need, please do come and visit me. i am scare of ghost, sometimes.

i want to talk about today so badly. i reached school 30 mi

nutes earlier and i rushed to prepare my teaching materials. i brought everything up and then one of the teacher, when she left the class, she accidentally took my worksheets which i wanted the kids to their corrections with her. i scare tio because i thought i remember bringing them up to the class but i cannot find. then the kids were telling me that they need to go to the ispace. so i brought them there, then realizing that they couldent find a relief teacher but it was my lesson so its like waste of my time to bring them there and back. fuckup. so when my teacher is not around, i cannot use the computer because we are not given the school user id and password. fucking stupid. nevermind, i dont have my worksheets, dont have IT resources, i thought die lah die. so i made use of this chance to discipline them and i moved on to my lessons using the ipad baby passed it to me. thankful that he helped me to upload my slides into ipad and therefore, i can use it for lesson.

then its my socialstudies. i dont know why i see the time as 12pm when my class is at 11.30am. so i went up at 12pm to realize that the class ended already. thankful my ct said its okay. i dont know real or fake but anything. i dont care anymore.

the climax now. so my buddy whom i am sharing the staffroom table with, her ct came to her and told her that she is taking the 3periods on wednesday back because she has lesson study. i was there when this conversation took place and i promise i didnt even look at them or like trying to eavesdrop their conversation. after which, i went to the pantry and i think because i was hidden behind the water cooler and that ct never see me. so she was telling my ct something about me overhearing her saying she is taking 3 periods and me feeling happy because i thought my ct will take 3 periods from me too.

kuakuakua. bitching about me right infront of me loh. smlj? i never teach her class nor have any connections with her sia. like this also tio bitch. so i walked out PURPOSELY and look at her and smile. she was saying i look happy right, so show her my happy face loh. =(

so last week, i was on the phone with b♥ and he was talking on the phone when he said he was jealous because he doesnt get to have a ipad but only ipod touch. and he just mentioned he wanted an ipad. i thought he was just kidding. ended up he went to the shop, ask some enquires, next day, he bought it. like its only 10bucks worth. yup. 10bucks multiply 100bucks loh. haha. the most kuakuakua is that now i am the one using the ipad. he said its more useful for my teaching and he left it with me.

silly ♥

and 2 days later, he got himself a 3D camera, which cost 10bucks multiply 300bucks. i dont know if he has finish explore it but he said he's next toy costs 10bucks multiply 1000bucks.

i am currently so poor that i took up 3 tuition offers in total to feed myself. so now while waiting for the first month, dinner are always paid by b♥ and trust me, my appetite arent small. its like whale bite. haha.

about eating. i really thankful that i can eat pork. today i was so hungry that i went to get myself a pau. chasiew and i totally forget its a hala pau. so ya lah. its like eating mock meat at the vegetarian stall, only that it tasted kind of bad. first time. last time. they should try selling the purple yam pau loh. i confirm will eat =)

i want to sleep so badly. so so so badly.

and i miss b♥ so badly. i think we have spend so much time together that a minute apart is bad. please get well soon, especially your cough.

♥

2011-07-11T00:09:00.002+08:00

school is a bitch and its time like this i do not want to be a teacher anymore. something happy for a miserable life now.

2011-07-10T16:22:00.003+08:00

now i know why the turnover rate for teachers are so so so so high.

anyway, while rushing my work because its the deadline, b♥ was really nice to accompany me throughout.

okay. time to meet the other pair of lovebird

2011-07-10T09:59:00.002+08:00

yesterday was bad because microsoft words hanged on me twice and on the second time, there wasnt autosafe. I have sort of completed my lessonplan, which is due to send in to my nie sup with deadline dated last night. Yes, i am already late.

so with everything gone, i got so irritated and angry and worried and scare and all fuckup. Boy, i dont know but kevin help me restore everything. Although some parts are missing, how thankful i am that at least i do not need to start all over again.

i wokeup late for my tuition, again. blamed kevin for not waking me up, which i know it was jolly my fault. actually i am not blaming him, i am just irritated with myself. Always chasing after time.

Anyway, kevin has been really nice to me. Yes, at times he is bad, but everyone has their evil time, no? You see he buys me lunch and dinner and snack when i am living on a few bucks basis. And he helped me to edit and change this whole template. Although he laughed at me, he helped me when i know other people need to pay if they engaged his services.

doubledate later, cycling at eastcoast park. Catch me there =)

2011-07-09T12:02:00.003+08:00

i just realize there is this huge gap in my bottom row of teeth which wasnt like this when i was in cambodia. what did the dentist did on my previous appointment?

this one week has been such a torture that i really hope the next 3weeks will be a lot better. i didnt even have time to rest or to have my lunch. partly is also because i am broke like broken pieces of vase. haha. sometimes i just hope school can be nice to me. anyway while most trainees end their days around 3pm latest, i am the only soul staying until 6pm most of the days. thats explain the damn sian face. floating is like morning 8am to evening 6pm.

kua kua kua

actually school is nice already. like my ct he got me flowers. no, not admiration but because i mentioned i need it for my lesson experiment. i thought i have to get them myself.

next week, please be better. please.

2011-07-08T03:45:00.003+08:00

i have made the mistake. i thought you can be less heartless, not only one felt the disappointment. i apologized. what about you? i have some sort of emotions as well.

i just hope tomorrow observation will be as smoothly still.

2011-07-06T23:54:00.004+08:00

you know there is this invisible line between people and groups? we subconsciously form cliques and have i ever share how happy and thankful i am that i am happy in where i am now. i am not jumping around nor am i trapped in the middle because i am right inside both circles and i am really happy about it. =)

2011-07-06T21:33:00.005+08:00

my CT said:

"every one has a bad day"

even he agreed today is mine. i thought i was at least ready for lessons today and when i am in class, i realized i suck one big time strawberry. =( my teaching was so bad that i felt i let my students down and when i stepped out of the classroom, i was like feeling so lousy, so sorry. I even apologized to my CT.

call myself a teacher.

one good thing is, everyone was really very encouraging to me afterwards. i think they can feel my lousy vibe circling around me. =(

need to move on, therefore, next better lessons on friday! Science, Maths and Socialstudies. all come together. Anyway, friday my observation for science as well.

confidence girl. confidence.

i want to eat hamjipeng so badly now.

staffroom is cold, as usual.

anyway i think sometimes i very thrifty. like this shaw i have with me since i was like 17? nearly 5years and its still in perfect condition and i used it really frequently. lousydonkey has one in brown and i am sure her is collecting dust already. anyway i really think i secretly love pink although i always say no pink. most of my things are pink!

yes thrifty but the problem is i keep spending as well.

meeting my darling girls tomorrow. holland V again. how to go arh?

2011-07-04T20:16:00.002+08:00

so saturday after i came back from sentosa with my family, i fell sick. i rested rather early and i wokeup even earlier on sunday morning. after breakfast, i fell very sick, to the extent that i stayed on bed for my whole afternoon, then my whole evening and finally, my whole night until this morning. i wokeup, go back to sleep, wokeup and go back to sleep. everyone was nice to me. mommy and daddy gave me medicine. my brother offered me his medicine as well and my sister made me warm honey drink. i have no appetite and her honey drink curb my hunger.

♥ came down after his duty to visit me but i was already feeling so much better. =) i even went to causeway point to get all my teaching materials ready and i had waffle icecream. now dont need to wait for tuesday for halfprice waffle because they are having this 9.90bucks promotion. waffle plus 2scoops. yumyum =)

anyway ♥ was really cute. he actually took a cab down to town to get me the footwear i really like. i know its like the last pair and i have been contemplating the longest time thinking if i should get them. i decided i will go down to get them once i have the time. anyway, both last pair sold out and ♥ was really upset because he couldent get them for me.

although i felt a little upset too, aiya. its the thoughts that count. =)

2011-07-03T14:19:00.003+08:00

decided to drag myself out of bed because i trust that by staying on bed will never help me to feel better. furthermore i still have lessonplans to be completed, latest to give everything by tomorrow.

i am currently having a very disappointing argument, which have transformed from disappointment to anger and then to disappointment again. its either i have gaveup trying to state my point or i have lost hope in thinking that things will become better.

i guess we should never try to find "happily ever after" in this world because nothing is constant. pine your hopes too high, the harder you will fall. it happened quite a few times to me and everytime i fail to learn my lesson. i thought as long i put in more effort, "happily ever after" might just come true. yet everytime it just got worse.

bad things always last longer than good things. how true.

have your mom ever made sure that your uniform is clean and nicely ironed out on your first day of school? and she will tell you that it will leave a good impression in your teacher that you are a neat and tidy child. you are neat and tidy for one week and maybe someday on the second week, you tripped and gotten yourself dirty. immediately, you became that dirty little child everyone laughed at. no one remembers you being neat and tidy the first of whole week.

or have you ever experienced how the naughty kids in your class were able to get the attention of your teachers rather than the well behaved kids? and even in the staffroom or teachers meeting, its always how to help the naughty ones.

no one will remember how good you have been because once you are tainted with a black mark, the mark will always be seen, no matter what.

and when at the mentioned of jasmine, i know people will say - the girl who clubs and get drunk a few times. no one will ever say - that girl who volunteers a lot, spent her holidays in cambodia teaching the kids, that girl who changed quite a bit.

no one remember the good things in me, even the one i thought loves me whole heartedly, at least never on this world.

2011-07-03T09:46:00.003+08:00

even my daddy asked me about my massive hairdrop.

ever since last semester, i have been dropping many many hair at every one time, especially during my bath and after when i comb my hair. i am not usually bother about it because no one say anything about it. i know i have a bald batch on the top and i assumed its because of the way i tie my hair. i told friends about it but they always dismissed me, agreeing with me its the way i tie my hair.

until last night my sister asked me again about my massive hairdrop, within 5 minutes, my daddy came into the room, asking me about my hairdrop too. he even asked me to do something about it, such as to get some hair products. my brother added in "hairdrop start as early as 20s"

fuck. i dont want to be one of the 20s to face this problem.

i am going to do something about my hairstyle for a change. having bangs for the longest time ever already. =)

have been having flu for a few days already and taking medication isnt seem to be much of a help. =( and i think i having some stomach problems too. its like you always have the urge to go to the toilet every 10secs and you realized that you only have a few drops of pee. thats the reason why i am up so early. first time. even my daddy not awake and mommy was asking if i am going out.

while having breakfast, daddy asked me not to go out too often because i look stress and i will shag out even before i reach 40s. bottomline is, i better take care of my health, my body, my hair and my skin. otherwise i will just be another old hag in this world.

i dont even know if that is a quarrel but i am really disappointed. i felt i have been taken granted for and i felt why am i the one who has to be constantly putting in the effort to make things right. i am not complaining because most of the time i really enjoy what i am doing. its just that when things went wrong and when i am all upset, its still me to make things right. sms?

so lets you bought a can of hotdogs from the market and after paying you realized its expired. so you went back to the shop, expecting the owner to apologize, explain maybe they are careless, do an exchange or even do a refund. but when you get to the shop, the owner expects you to apologize because its your fault for not checking the expiry date before your purchase, expects you do explain to him instead why didnt you check properly and ask you to go away because all purchases are final.

first, you felt angry, then disappointed. like i thought there is this trust that the shop will sell non-expiry food. you have this expectation that they will be checks, honesty when they are dealing with their customers. never will anyone expect that kind of reaction though.

i am sick and for the next two days when i am working on with school lesson plans, teaching materials and trying to be a really good teacher, i hope i will get well soon on tuesday. give me the attention, the energy i need when i am in school, when i am in the classroom.

i want to go shopping so much but since i stopped asking money from the big boss, i need to stop myself from shopping. this is sad.

daddy is going overseas.

2011-07-01T12:27:00.007+08:00

so here i am. last day of week 1 of school practicum. time table are not finalized and therefore, allows me to have more free time than others. i have nothing to do most of the time and i just sit and stare into the space. sometimes snacking and i am always trying so hard not to sleep. i failed, most of the time, sadly.

qihua primary school seems to offer a really friendly environment. i have nice science CT. apparently i only get to meet one of my CT only because my maths CT is on mc and she will only come back to school on wednesday. i have not see her class and her class does know me yet. i hope the rapport will be there and i hope they arent a batch of naughty kids.

anyway, i want to be a sexy, hot and popular teacher. i dont care. okay. i am kidding.

i am trying to be as professional as possible =)

just finish meeting my science CT and my lesson plans are approved. Thank god I do not need to redo =) told you i have nice science CT. shouldent say things too early because he might just fail me afterwards. haha.

this week is mostly spent with b♥ and time pass really fast when you are busy with something. anyway i get tired really easily too. school really tired me out sometimes. haha.

i am allergic to school. the funny part is, i am going to stay in school for the next many years.

so yesterday i just suddenly fell sick. yes. flu again. and the walk home was terrible. took pill and sleep. b♥ came over after his driving and he see me to bed before waiting outside until i am awake.

after the nap, i went to cy's grandmother's wake together with b♥ and lousydonkey. didnt stay long though because kevin brought me transformers tickets. =) friends' review were mainly - no more megan fox but i guess for me, its mainly about the effects. its more for 3D and when we watch the 2D, its seem fake but its still worth a catch since we all want to be in the 'in' group, like when people talk about transformers, you know where and how to get yourself into their conversations. haha. anyway b♥ spent 8bucks sleeping inside again. watching movie with him makes me feel guilty because its like he can better spend the time sleeping at home and he cannot be part of the 'in' group because he doesnt know whats going on.

a perfect line for him to get other dates:

kevin: hey. i have watched transformers but lets watch again because i didnt watch it.

anyway, causeway point is fucking cool now. you should look at the basement, all those food. haha. the sad sad part is mr bean's soya bean cupsize becomes smaller now and it doesnt really seem as nice anymore. i have craving for meesua. please. let causeway point has shilin. =)

going to meet junyan for dinner. i assume he is treating me and then rest of my brothers gang for supper at geylang. fat die me. =) its been a long time since i last met them. and i like the way we brother brother each other. damn cool.

dreamcatcher tattoo. how about that?

2011-06-28T15:28:00.001+08:00

I felt so much better now after I have come clean to every single things I used to hide.

No more lies and I am really looking at a faithful future.

Thank you God for giving me the courage and humble me yesterday.

2011-06-28T15:28:00.000+08:00